White balls, bastards and blackmail

The cricket world cup has been and gone, in the final Australia who peaked at the right time dominated the hosts India and won the trophy for the sixth time.  It would have taken something special for England to have reached this stage but I didn’t see such a shambolic collapse in form coming.  Hindsight is a piece of piss; before the tournament the thinking seemed muddled then selection was inconsistent and in the end they obviously got it wrong.  Fifty over preparation was non existent as international cricket played second fiddle to the bastard hundred last summer.  Ditch that stupid fucking tournament please!  At the moment England are playing yet more white ball stuff in the West Indies and with two ODI’s gone we’ve won one and lost one, nothing so far suggests England are back at the level of Eoin Morgan’s side.  The next test cricket comes in India early next year, probably the toughest tour of all, the home side are unbeaten in this format since Cook’s England beat them over a decade ago.  We must expect the pitches to favour the home side but if any team can go there and win then it is Stokes’ England.

When not distracted by the things in life that bring me joy, I try hard to ignore the bullshit that is thrown my way but it would be amiss not to mention that Braverman creature is a foul, vile excuse for a human.  In what universe is the Rwanda plan a good idea?  How fucked up is the world when this is even being discussed?  Then this week we’ve had the bastard De Pfeffel squirming, lying and smirking before the Covid inquiry.  The cunt should be in prison.  We rightly laud the generation that lived and fought through the war years, what would they think seeing these Fascists in government?  The trouble is people have become too used to this shit, it’s become the new normal.  It’s staggering to think that people actually vote for these bastards and think they’re clever for doing so.  They’re getting fucked just as hard as the rest of us.

 Since Lemmy died in 2016, closely followed by Bowie the genius and others all sense has been erased from the world, its like the mega rich mutant class can see everything is spiraling and know the end in sight so they’re grabbing as much as they can while they can.

I don't watch a great deal of tele but its usually on in the background somewhere.  Some people say the adverts are better than the programs and although I'm not sure about that some of them do tax the brain a little more and I amuse myself trying to make sense of them.  As long as we remember that all advertising is a lie its okay.  For example;

Checkatrade.  I don’t know exactly what this is but I guess it’s some kind of register for small businesses connected to the building trade.  (I Googled it and that’s pretty much it).  If you’re on the register, (which I guess you have to pay for – (you do)) then this means your business is trustworthy and so by implication if you haven’t stumped up the cash to enlist then your business must be less reputable? 

Anyway the advert, we have a man showing his friend all the home improvements his dwelling is undergoing, all thanks to Checkatrade of course.  But the twist is…  they (the bloke and his mate) are Romans and have Roman names.  I mean they are dressed as Romans as you’d expect to see them in Hollywood epics or Life of Brian, even though they’re walking around a state of the art modern house.  The builders aren’t in any kind of period costume, they’re dressed kind of normal but not like builders because there are no arse cracks or yellow vests.  There’s a pathetic joke involving a third Roman then at the end all the Romans do a stupid dance.

What the fuck is that all about?  Why dress a group of failed actors as Romans? What connects ancient Rome to the building trade?  How badly are these actors’ careers going that they see this as a good move and what happened to their self respect.  How is this supposed to influence me to have anything to do with this checkatrade thing?  Who the hell thought this was a good idea?

What this ad does is grab my attention, it does this because the ad is so shit but still my attention is grabbed and I’ll guess it does the same to a hell of a lot of other people.  So the advert has done half a job, I’m still never going use Checkatrade because the advert is so crap it offends me.  But that doesn’t matter because I’m not the targeted demographic and even if I had any inclination for sprucing up my home I still wouldn’t be their intended customer.  My first instinct is correct, this stupid thirty seconds of cringe-ness is designed to get the small businessman in a choke hold and coerce him or her into paying up and getting themselves listed on this checkatrade register.  What does it say about your business if it’s not on the list?  What we are seeing here is legal blackmail, nothing more nothing less.

I feel better for that.  I’ve fallen out of the habit of ranting, I really should do it more often.

BB is the winner.

I can’t remember too many England defeats at the Oval and long may it continue.  An even game after two innings, England’s batsmen took the game away from Australia in the third innings then the bowlers done the job.  Two really good partnerships made us nervous but both were interrupted by rain breaks and couldn’t get going again.  Woakes was brilliant, Mo bowled his best spell of the series and Broad finished the job, of course he did!

Before the Ashes began my only prediction was that this series would not be close and despite the 2-2 score line I was right, England were by far the better team throughout and only our own mistakes plus a bit of weather stopped this being an emphatic win.  In 2019 we had the same result but Australia went home wondering how they didn’t win, this time around England will know how they felt.

Whatever the result of the series BB* has worked, England have competed against and for long periods dominated arguably the best team in the world.  BB is real, it works and it is here to stay, whether we like it or not Test cricket is going to change.  The way England have played has forced Australia to change their approach.  Where England have been on the front foot, at times Australia have tried to counter punch but mostly went into a totally defensive mode.  This has led to mostly highly entertaining cricket and a really good series, but a great one?  Maybe, certainly the best for several years.

But it could and should have been better!  In my opinion England got selection wrong and did not put out their strongest XI in any of the five matches, when this is down to injury there’s not much to say but when a key player is unfit for his role then the selectors have got it wrong.  Yes Mad Johnny deserved his place in the team but he should never have been given the gloves.  Also the Oval looked a test too far for a couple of bowlers.  Worst of all fielding, dropped catches and extras (FFS!) cost England the first test and arguably the second one too.  We should have been heading into the Oval test with at least a two – one lead.  There was a sharp improvement in the field in the latter stages of the series but by then the damage was done.

The Captains…

Ben Stokes led well but made mistakes which some have argued led to defeat in the first test at least.  However he learned from adversity and was in control most of the series.  When under pressure Cummins was inept.

The players…

Crawley and Duckett done well enough in this series against an excellent new ball attack to ensure their selection will not be debated for some time.  At last, for the first time since Andrew Strauss retired in 2012, we have a settled opening partnership.  In fact all the batsmen had their moments this summer, only Ollie Pope will frustrated at having to miss most of the Ashes.  Root and Stokes had brilliant moments as we’ve come to expect and Brook looks like a future superstar.  Bairstow had a good series with the bat to be fair but I’ve said enough about his keeping.  The problem going forward is squeezing everyone in, which is a nice one to have.

Stuart Broad took wickets regularly throughout the five matches and it was great to see him bowl the winning ball, his last act in cricket.  What a player, it’s been a privilege to watch him bowl over the years and we’ll miss him.  His long time partner, the great Jimmy Anderson had a quiet series, he kept control and the Aussies played him carefully but he seemed to be lacking something.  He’s said he wants to play on but it seems that the end is in site.   I couldn’t believe it when Woakes was selected as I’d thought his test career over but with Stokes not bowling we needed an all rounder and to be fair he’s been brilliant with the ball and chipped in with a few runs too and you couldn’t argue when he was made man of the series.  I wouldn’t pick him for too many away tests but he’s proven he’s as good as anyone on home wickets.  Mark Wood, if fit, was a far more obvious selection and his extra pace did make a difference and has shown we are a better team when high pace is an option.  If not Wood then Tongue had his moments this series and we hope we’ll see Archer, or Stone in a white shirt again.  A word for another player going (back) into retirement, Moeen Ali.  After answering a call for help Mo had probably his best Ashes series and took big wickets at key times.

Almost all the Aussie players had decent series too but the batsmen scored slowly and the bowlers were expensive, in the field they rarely had any kind of control.  Carey’s form dived after the incident at Lords and the much vaunted Cameron Green didn’t show us much.  I find it difficult to dislike this bunch of Aussie cricketers, Smith is bloody irritating but Warner finally seemed to grow up after the sandpaper controversy and Stuart Broad made him humble.  We probably won’t see him in Ashes cricket again but I won’t miss him.

At the beginning of the series people were wondering if we’d see 2005 all over again and there are similarities, we had a legend (or two) retiring at the end of the series and we’ve had some squeaky arse puckering finishes.  Also after going behind England came back and dominated the rest of the series but for me 2023 does not compare to that classic series. 

For a start, in 2005, after a near 20 year drought winning the Ashes meant more, the stakes were higher which added a whole other layer of tension.  Also I believe both teams were stronger back then and played cricket at a higher standard, they made far fewer mistakes.  The Aussies were already rightly considered a squad of all time greats and many of the England players played the best cricket of their lives in that series.  I’d go as far to say that around the world, all the test playing nations were playing at a higher level twenty years ago.  I put the decline in standard down to the influence of white ball cricket; obviously the techniques of players have been changed but also test cricket has been squeezed into tighter pressurised windows.  I think test cricket peaked in 2005 which coincidently was the first year we saw international T20 cricket.

Now this year our Ashes series has been staged early to make room for the fucking ‘hundred’, what a load of bollocks.  Honestly if I find it on the TV I’ll probably watch it, but it really is a pointless tournament and the sooner its replaced the better.

For our cricketing future we’ve got a fifty over world cup coming up but no test cricket until next February!!!  What’s more we’re away in India, probably the most difficult place to win and the ultimate test for the cult of BB.

Squad for India :-  Stokes (c)  Crawley, Duckett, Pope, Root, Brook, Lawrence, Bairstow, Foakes (w)

Leach, Jacks, Ahmed

Anderson, Robinson, Wood, Tongue,

 

*I refuse to use the media buzz name for the style** of cricket played under Stokes’ captaincy, so for convenience I will use BB.

** Brand is something used to identify and/or sell.

The one that got away

The fourth test, the one that got away.  For three days England played possibly their best cricket under the current regime, then came the rain which did enough to enforce the draw.  Australia actually came third in this match.

Barking mad Bairstow had his best game as keeper for at least five years then when interviewed admitted he wasn’t really fit enough to be keeping wicket.  If Foakes (no I won’t let it go) had been included at the beginning of the summer the man most likely to have been jettisoned was Zak Crawley who played a blinder and Chris Woakes, another player I’ve written off many times took five for.  Crucially, we were much better in the field, clinging onto the important catches.  Yes a cricket cliché but catches win matches and that is the main reason the Ashes will be returning to Australia whatever the result next week.

For England here won’t be any dramatic changes in personnel, nor should there be on the strength of what we saw in Manchester.  At this moment, sitting here I can’t see anything other than an emphatic England win to level the series which would feel right.

The other series finished level too which left England’s women by far the happier of the two teams, for the first time in a long time the Aussies were shown to be only human and didn’t much like it.

Red Hot Chili Peppers 21/07/23

Red Hot Chili Peppers, one of my favourite bands for over thirty years, “Fight like a brave” had opened my ears and eyes, “Give it away” had made my jaw drop.  I’d seen them twice before, first time was amazing, life affirming but the second time though still very good, at the same time slightly disappointing in comparison.  This gig was being held in Spurs football stadium and I didn’t really think about it having decided stadium rock wasn’t really my thing and the bands best days were behind them, weren’t they?  The tickets were a surprise, heart tugging gift from a family member who remembered my affinity for this band, I didn’t find out until a few weeks before and all of a sudden I had something to look forward to.

But there’s a slight downside. For me getting to a gig in London requires a bit of planning to avoid quite a lot of stressful driving on alien roads.  Best bet is to drive to somewhere on the edge of the jungle and get some kind of train in, but where?  After careful deliberation I chose Cheshunt on this occasion and it was all pretty simple in then end. Then there was another hurdle to overcome.  E-tickets, which for a technophobe are a nightmare and a source of great stress but I eventually managed to sort it out.  Tickets on my phone, really?  it’s just over complicating things in the name of simplicity, what’s wrong with a couple of strips of thin card?

I can’t ever recall visiting Tottenham before and what an absolute shit hole it is.  An environment that screams desperation surrounds a massive state of the art football edifice, how many that live in its shadow can afford to watch a match let alone see a band successful enough to fill it. Yup I’m a lucky boy.  The bloody E-tickets hindered our entry but the steward was patient and it was only when we were safely climbing the steps did I finally trust the bloody things.  Inside the stadium it’s all clean and efficient, nothing like the football grounds I visited in the last century even post Hillsborough.  Out onto the pitch, surrounded by enormous high stands yet somehow it still seems smaller than it should, as did Wembley as I recall whereas Lords seems bigger.

Usually time stops still when you are waiting for a band that are still a couple of hours away but not so tonight.  The support bands helped.  ‘King Princess’, decent pop rock but I don’t know if they are a band or is it all about the young American girl who was singing?  Either way they were okay but had nothing to set them apart from very many other bands who have tried to do the same thing.  Next was a collective called ‘Roots’, I suppose I’d describe it as hip hop with a big funky band providing the soundtrack which occasionally included homages to a few old classics.  But they murdered “Move on up” to the extent the Princess hadn’t realised they’d tried to play it, this is simply unforgivable.  The rhythms were good though and the music was moving me but whenever the fella rapped it swamped the sound and the band diminished.

So the Chili Peppers, by now only minutes away…It would be good for sure but good enough to make me forget the tribulations getting here had involved?  How many times can a band go round the world, filling stadiums everywhere but still be inspired to play their hearts out?  I’ve seen old favourite bands that could barely hide the fact that they were going through the motions.  Could the Chili’s bring life, love and rhythms to this giant concrete bowl?  Then the music started and all of that shite was forgotten in a second.

As usual they began with a jam - drums, bass and guitar, tight with band members smiling then bang “Can’t stop addicted to the shin dig…”  the perfect start. Pause – strum, “Scar tissue that I wish you saw…” just beautiful!  Take a breath “deep inside the cover of another perfect wonder…”  I have tears of joy running down my cheeks.  Past their best?  Are they fuck!

It didn’t stop all night.  Three masterful musicians that separate a tune so you can hear each instrument on its own right then bring them back together into a funky punky rock rhythm.  A front man with prowling presence who has a voice that fits and the audience in his palm.  Add to this a thirty five year back catalogue of tunes that have sound tracked my adult life.  And yes RHCP do still care!  They played with passion and the screens showed the smiles between them as they did so.  The Chilis usually play a different set every night of the tour so you never know what you’re going to get.  Tonight the stars aligned, it was as if I had chosen the set list myself, it couldn’t have been better.   And tonight it was as if they’d plugged the instruments into my body.  What was so different tonight compared to Birmingham NEC a few years ago?  Maybe the tickets, being on the floor not up in the Gods played its part.  Maybe the music suits the venue itself, the memorable first time I saw them was also in a football stadium. But maybe it was because the iconic guitarist was back.  I know nothing of the technical aspects of playing a guitar but I know that in almost forty years of gigging, no guitarist has ever moved me as much as John Frusciante did on 21^st July 2023, this was his show, he was just brilliant.

Towards the end of the set one of several between song jams ceased, then a second later a familiar guitar chord “Psychic spies from China try to steal your mind’s elation…” with the crowd singing every word, (actually this was the loudest crowd I’ve ever been part of). Final track was a monster hit “Standing in line to see the show tonight…” then they left the stage so we could get our breath back.  The encore was predictable but exactly what we needed, “under the bridge down town, is where I drew some blood…” had us singing and swaying, then a leap back up into punky spitting musical anarchy “What I got I gotta give it to yer mumma…”

The lights came on and dazzled us, we tramped stiff armed to the exits caught in a human glacier up the steps down the steps and all the way to the station.  Goodbye Tottenham, I won’t be rushing back to rediscover your charms and I’m still not won over by massive gigs but for ninety minutes we forgot where we were and it had been worth it.  What a fucking gig!!  This was next level, all time top ten, fucking wonderful glorious, emotional and beautiful.  It carried me all the way home unhindered by a closed road when I needed it least and through a disappointing rainy weekend when there was hardly any cricket.

Three down two to go

Another great finish to another tidal test match, flowing up and down with nothing in its path able to withstand the push and pull, wherever we are we just have to tune in and become absorbed.  Now a nice break to slip back into relative normality, time to regroup and time to think.  Australia may be 2-1 but even that margin flatters them, England are the better team and are only trailing because of their own mistakes.

The great selection debate goes on.  Ollie Pope will miss the rest of the series through injury but if Mo can score a few runs at three then it may be a blessing in disguise.  With Stokes playing purely as a batsman then maybe he should bat at first drop?  Either way we need another all rounder and Woakes’ selection, which came as an unwelcome surprise to me turned out to be spot on.  Then there’s the wicket keeper, the most important position on the field should not be filled by someone lacking form and low on confidence.  Sorry Johnny, Foakes must return, any other selection could cost us the series.  Just a thought, if we can move bowlers in and out of the team why can’t we select batsmen on a ‘horses for courses basis’?

Two matches to go and obviously this series could still go either way but even with a deficit I think England are the better team and I actually fancy our chances more now than I did before the series began.  That’s just poured piss on things…

PS Anyone else getting pissed off with hearing Vaughan utter the words “this England side…” every time he opens his cake hole?

The women’s series is levelling off nicely too, it’s hard to see anything other than an eventual Aussie win but England are competing and pushing back harder than anyone has done in years.  The gap between the sides is definitely closing.

Flashes.

Over twenty years ago I was keeping wicket in a local league cup final (Yes it’s fair to say I was one of the less talented team members…) and I stumped a batsmen (actually a former professional with Essex) in almost identical circumstances to the “Bairstow incident”.  The decision was given not out, I was fuming and that batsmen went on to score a match winning half century.  So I can’t find any sympathy, the umpires got it right, Bairstow was out.  Likewise Duckett was not out, Starc clearly grounded the ball, I don’t know what all the fuss was about.  Glenn McGrath must have been really worried at that stage because he lost the plot on air. 

Some would argue Bairstow’s stumping changed the course of the match but the blame lies with the batsman being too casual and going for a wander.  Johnny is a weird character, I love watching him bat but he’s a bit of a nutter, the manic stare and all that; let’s face it you wouldn’t want him living next door.  Last year he was brilliant but this followed a long period when his test match form was barely good enough to hold a place in the team.  Last summer he made all those runs batting at five, knowing he had Stokes and Foakes to follow.  I can’t believe he can be that effective batting at seven with a long tail to come after him.  Talking of Foakes I can’t help thinking that had he had played and had made the same contributions as JB then the media would be dissecting his selection.

While Stokes was at the crease we still believed and he played another one of those innings that only he can.  He didn’t get us over the line this time but we’ll remember this knock forever.  Another cricketer I love to watch but it can be infuriating when he just comes out swinging.  The same applies to his captaincy or more to the point his declarations, if he can learn from his mistakes he could go down as one of the great skippers.  But with the sight of him limping and grimacing I wonder how long can he continue?  Maybe it’s time to drop the bowling and move up the order…

Australia now have a significant lead but this has come after two exciting test matches and it could easily have been England in the ascendancy had we kept our heads.  But Australia deserve their leads because they’ve won the crucial moments.  It looks like this Aussie team have a quality that even the great sides that dominated for fifteen years didn’t have; they’ve learned how to win tight test matches.  But they are beatable if England can get it right.

Tests

The first Ashes Test was an excellent cricket match which went right down to the last session and was ultimately won by the team that played the most conservative cricket.  England entertained as they had promised and had some great sessions but Australia hung in there.  With a close game we look at the crucial moments and decisions; the much talked about declaration, dropped catches, having an injured player bowl.  England should have won this match.  I would contend the biggest mistake made by England occurred before the match started and was in fact announced weeks ago.  For the first time in the Stokes/McCullum era we didn’t put our best eleven on the field and we won’t be doing so next week either.  Ben Stokes is a great cricketer and a fantastic captain who makes some inspired, instinctive decisions but he’s also made a couple of piss poor ones.

The only test in the Women’s Ashes was also a good game.  England’s efforts were built around individual brilliance but Australia’s was more of a team effort with everyone contributing and they were comfortable, deserved winners in the end.

Cricket chunter followed by lots of bad language

The Lords test match vs Ireland went pretty much as expected, England were totally dominant for two days; bowled Ireland out cheaply, racked up a massive score quickly and the commentators wondered if they could win in two days.  It went into a third day which saw Ireland praised for battling when as far as I could tell England were under performing.  But we won comfortably in the end, learning little or nothing on the way.  Soon after the match we found out Jack Leach had a spinal injury and wouldn’t be able to take part in the Ashes series.  A day or two later Moeen Ali answered the call to come out of retirement which is probably the best selection under the circumstances.  Then the Aussies warmed up with the WTC final against India which they pretty much dominated throughout and lifted the World Test championship mace, which is never a sight an English cricket fan wants to see.

Now the Ashes and if the Aussies are world champions then England must be the number one contenders even though the ICC ratings put us third.  Apparently, this is the most eagerly awaited Ashes series since… the last one?  Some pundits are comparing it to 2005 and I’d say this is certainly the best Aussie team to tour England since that series but it isn’t as good as the team lead by Ponting which lost.  The question is how good is this England team?  If they can play the way we’ve come to expect over the last twelve months and end the series holding the Ashes, they may go down as the best ever?  If…

I should end on a prediction, which is predictable…  But I really don’t know!!  The Aussie team may not be as good as 2005 but it might be good enough to win.  Both teams will be able to take twenty wickets; can England’s batsmen dominate the Aussie bowlers in the same way they did New Zealand, India, South Africa and Pakistan?  If they can then England win.  My one prediction is there may be periods of play or whole matches that are close but whoever ends up winning will do so by a wide margin.

It’s good to rant…

De Pfeffel has departed, a sneak preview of the imminent report was enough to make the fat brat spit his dummy and storm off in a huff.  Following in his wake two more oxygen thieves that supported bullshit boris.  For the last dozen years, (either side of the hysterical finger pointing towards JC,) British politics has been nothing more than a power struggle/shit fight between factions of the Tory Establishment, aided and abetted by the fuckwitt hangers on.  This extended playground squabble has to this point left the country starved of public services, crippled by plague and economic depression, our rivers run clogged with shit, we are extorted by energy companies and excluded from trade agreements everywhere.  Great Britain is the laughing stock of the world.

 Where are the architects of Brexit now?  The generation of politicians that had so much contempt for us they didn’t bother to hide their lies are steadily sneaking off into the private sector paradise where they will wax fat while nervously wondering if their day in the dock will come.  Just the mutant inbred Rees Mogg will remain because what else is the prick capable of doing?  Even the social media Tory fanboys are quiet, keeping their heads down, don’t want to be reminded of previous declarations.  Jesus what kind of moron voted for these cunts?  Are the British people more naturally Fascist than they know?  We’ve been royally bumfucked by these Etonian exploiters but some us fucking struggled, Tory voters lubed their own arses and bent over.

At some point, probably sooner rather than later, we get to exercise our right to vote in our pretend democratic election.  The best we can realistically hope for is Keir Starmer…

Test Squad

Test cricket will return in a couple of weeks and England have announced a squad to play Ireland at Lords which gives us an insight into how the selectors are thinking ahead of an Ashes series.  The unluckiest man has to be Ben Foakes AKA the best keeper in the world, who has done absolutely nothing wrong, his omission is to enable Bairstow to be slotted back in behind the stumps.  As a fan of Foakes I’m a bit peeved but it was the obvious move; Harry Brook couldn’t be discarded after the brilliant start to his test career and after the madness of last summer Bairstow was sure to return.  I’m sceptical as to whether Johnny will ever replicate that kind of form again.

The not so obvious move would have been to drop Crawley who must be hanging on by his fingertips.  This move would have meant using Brook or Bairstow to open which wouldn’t be ideal and therefore Crawley is the luckiest man in the squad and needs to make runs.  Another surprise inclusion is Dan Lawrence who is a good player but hasn’t really pushed his case.  Also included is Chris Woakes who has a decent record in home conditions but is surely only there as a swing bowler to cover Anderson.  The other big omission is poor Jofra Archer, injured again and it makes me wonder if we’ll ever see him in England whites again?  Happily Mark Wood is fit and firing.

Team vs Ireland

Crawley, Duckett, Pope, Root, Brook, Stokes, Bairstow, Robinson, Leach, Broad and Anderson.

‘A state of fear’ by Laura Dodsworth

A book that sets out to examine the use of fear and psychology to influence and control the population during the Covid19 pandemic but actually turns into something that attacks all the government policies during the lockdown periods.  Except that is, for the crucial fact the British government started off by doing nothing at all, then by the time it acted, it was too late.  Early on she describes Johnson’s lockdown speech on 23^rd March as fear mongering and claims his words and body language at the time as being designed to put the fear of God into us, the great performer doing what he does.  (Or could it be he realised he was totally out of his depth and was genuinely shitting himself?)

Governments deliberately used fear to control the public during Covid.  So what?  This has been going on since WWII (at least), Orwell told us that a population in fear is one that is easy to control.  (Orwell wasn’t a prophet, he could see it going on around him.)  All of my life I’ve been encouraged to be scared of someone or something.  First it was the Russians then when this threat melted away and we all went a bid mad in the nineties Terrorism became the new fear, Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, Isis.  We’ve even been given a fright by diseases in the recent past, SARS and Ebola for example.  Then came the coronavirus and with that now a departing memory we’re told to fear the Russians again.  Whether we like it or not, control by fear is a fact of modern life so why is the author so worried about it being used now and in this context?

Dodsworth repeatedly assures us that this isn’t meant to be an ‘anti-lockdown’ book but that is exactly what it is, more so than a book designed to make us question the methods of fear mongering.  It seems like most of the book is made up of analysing lockdown and its effects, piece by piece which wasn’t the brief.  But to be fair it did make me question my own response to Covid and lockdowns.  Throughout the pandemic I supported the restrictions.  In the beginning I loved being confined to home and garden, I enjoyed watching spring rise around me and was content being out of the rat race.  I was also aware that several members of my close family were more at risk to Covid than the vast majority of the population, I had loved ones that needed protection. 

The author implies that because governments had repeatedly told us not to worry about this Chinese virus they then had to frighten us to get us to comply when lockdown eventually came.  Why the sudden change of government policy?  Why stop the world?  Who stood to gain, was this disaster capitalism on a massive scale?  If so why not write a book about these people?  Plenty of questions but no answers.

But would I willingly go through another lockdown?  Probably not, I recognise that although I didn’t mind being locked down, other people including family members suffered adversely.  This book was written before we knew that government ministers had themselves behaved appallingly while we kept to the rules.  I don’t believe British people would accept another lockdown after that.  Was I more affected by propaganda than I realised?  I must concede that it’s possible that I was.

The author uses interviews to describe people’s lockdown experiences and add weight to her opinion and also talks of being intimidated by police whilst trying to do her job. “Allowing press photographers and journalists to do their work is essential to a free press and democracy…”  After exposing government mind manipulation (aka ‘nudge’) how does she still believe in democracy?   Likewise the ‘free press’, it doesn’t exist now if it ever did and journalists behave as badly as politicians.

‘Nudge’ is interesting, subtle brainwashing techniques used by government through media to influence our thoughts and actions.  I’m surprised, not that it exists – that’s a given, but that it’s been given a name, this implies fact and an owning up to shady goings on.  Whatever you call it nudge has been going on for decades and it is good to have this brought to public attention but once again why now?  I conclude the author isn’t worried about mind control being used to influence democracy or to tell us what to buy but she is concerned when it’s used to confine her to her home.  This book was published in 2021 and a lot has happened since which would explain why the author has barely mentioned the corrupt allocation of contracts or the PPE debacle.

I wonder why didn’t Dodsworth go further and look at the obvious corruption and glaring failures in government?  Is she pulling punches?  Maybe because she’s worked for the Daily Mail?  I don’t know about this book, it was interesting in places and definitely made me think, I had to examine my own reaction to Covid.  But as a book on the tactics of fear it was disappointing, inconsistent and it has to be said, repetitive and boring. 

TW3

Last week I had a very novel experience, for one of very few times in my life I voted for the winning side!  I was one of the many who voted the Green party into control of its first council here in Mid Suffolk.  In fact this bluest of counties no longer has a Tory council in power in any constituency, blue has been wiped off the map, which is something I never thought I’d see happen.  I hope this is the beginning of something for the Greens and not just an anti-Tory protest vote, two fingers to local MP’s like Halfcock and Coffey.  I hope enough young people have more sight and sense than their parents and realise the red vs blue politics is a failed, corrupted system that will never serve the majority of the people.  The only way to change the country is to change the way we vote.  Locally in Suffolk unregulated urban expansion has upset many, the green spaces between towns and villages is disappearing rapidly.  Also dumping sewage in the waterways has been big news, when the county’s central river turns green and stays that way for six months people get upset.

Then there was the fucking coronation.  I didn’t care either way, I didn’t watch it but the princess did, so I was fucking about on this computer, literally sat with my back turned.  A symbolic act of defiance or a happy accident?  Maybe both.  When things got really serious I made myself scarce, sorting fishing gear in the garden so my grumbling didn’t spoil things for someone with a genuine interest.  The whole shitshow is ridiculous, King by accident of birth, I mean a fucking golden carriage in a city where people sleep on the streets.  But the idea of pledging allegiance to the King?  What?  Bollocks!  No just fuck off with that, fuck off, just fuck off.

The weekend finished with the coronation concert which as a music fan did raise a glimmer of interest until I saw the line up.  It went on in the room around me and even people I don’t particularly dislike were poor, like they were trying too hard.  I let it all pass without comment until Lionel Ritchie who was appalling, somehow totally spoiling a beautiful song he wrote a lifetime ago.  I shouldn’t be surprised, what I like musically will never appear at an occasion like this but I do appreciate all types of live music if it’s done well.

And while I’m on a musical theme, Eurovision is crap.  It has always been crap and always will be.  For years it was regarded as such even by the broadcasters that covered it and the LGBT community which embraced it.  But a couple of years ago someone at the BBC decided Eurovision was cool and have been feeding that narrative ever since.  In an Orwellian shift the media is now telling us Eurovision is great and it’s always been so.  Just in case anyone is undecided, trust me Eurovision is bollocks, it has nothing to do with real music, it is and has always been total shite.  What we need is more of this…

Gigging again.

Three years ago we were all locked down, confined to our homes while our leaders played soggy biscuit…  Let’s not go in that direction today.  I quite liked it to be honest; not having to run the rat race was nice and I enjoyed watching spring take over the countryside.  All that time didn’t drive me mad, I think I made it count and anyway readers are never bored.  But one of the downsides of the locked down world was the complete stop on live music, obviously many people weren’t able to work but selfishly I love going to gigs and over the last couple of years I’ve fallen out of the habit.  Happily this has been put right over the last couple of weeks.

In mid March the usual suspects headed to London to see Fucked Up play a venue in Kings Cross called Lafayette.  Thanks mainly to altered perception our short cut turned into a long cut and we got in a little late but saw most of a really good show.  The highlight was the final song, an awesome extended, psychedelic version of ‘Dose your Dreams’, that went on and on but still I didn’t want it to end.  This was as good as live music gets!  How to describe Fucked Up?  Hardcore punk?  A wall of noise?  But once you’ve got through the barriers and found your way in there is skill and intelligence and a really special band.

Two weeks later I returned to the smoke with the Princess and my daughter, after  a sit down Chinese we spent a couple of chilled hours wandering around Camden market before making our way down the road to the Roundhouse where we be seeing my favourite current band, Eels.

The gig was great, a totally different set to the last tour, loads of new songs which unlike many people I always love to hear but also with some leftfield oldies that blew me away.  An obscure album track from long ago sounds magical when you’re hearing it played live for the first time.  There are always a couple of quirky cover versions thrown in too.  To be honest compared to other performances I’ve seen the band were a bit rusty but as it was just their second gig in four years I suppose that can be excused and anyway if live music was perfect it wouldn’t be so much fun.  The encores filled in any gaps, ‘Earth to Dora’ and ‘Wonderful Glorious’ and we three left grinning and buzzing.

So much so we all travelled to Norwich a couple of weeks later and did it again.  This time the band was tight, the sound fantastic and the gig was excellent.  I was surprised by a couple of changes to the set including another oldie I would never have seen coming.  Highlight for me was Eels oldest song, ‘Novocaine for the Soul’ and when that first gorgeous guitar chord wrapped me up in a wave of wonderful sound…

Eels and Fucked up are bands that are unlikely to find their way into mainstream consciousness but they both make great music released on traditional formats as well as streaming.  You can find them in HMV if you look hard enough.  When the world isn’t shut down these are two (amongst many) bands that tour the world playing small to medium sized venues that are mostly full.  I sometimes feel I’m the only person in the world who gets emotional at these times but when I look around the audience in these places I see people of all walks that are just as euphoric as I am. 

Beware the Franks

Fucking Hancock.  The talentless cunt is still clinging onto notoriety though he’s currently on the end of a well deserved battering as his private messages have been made public.  We are being drip fed the stories which are really just confirming what many of us already knew/suspected.  Fucking Halfcock, like his former boss has absolutely no self awareness or at least no awareness of what a prick he is.  We all know people like him, many are actually decent people who achieve things in life far beyond what could be reasonably expected possible because they have no concept of how fucking ridiculous they are.  If you were around in the seventies, think Frank Spencer…

The journalist with the scoop is getting a kicking too.  Isobel Oakeshott was ghost writing Halfcock’s Covid memoirs (as if cashing in on the deaths of thousands isn’t bad enough…) when she had a crisis of conscious and decided the British public deserved to know etc.  So she betrayed Halfcock and you could almost be forgiven for feeling sorry for the annoying little wanker until you find out this is the third time Oakeshott has betrayed someone in these circumstances.  Why did he trust her?  Because he’s Frank fucking Spencer.  But the unlovable Isobel Oakeshott, what a dishonest, nasty, self centred, loathsome parasitic cunt, whatever I may think of her victims.

 

I’ve just finished reading “The Long Knives”, the latest novel by Irvine Welsh which is a long way from being this author’s best work but is still an entertaining read and packed full of wicked insights into twenty first century Britain.

In the week that it was rumoured that the former PM and professional liar De Pfeffel had proposed his father receive a knighthood;

“An inbred mutant class who’ve shafted us for generations, and we still have enough forelock tuggers grateful to them for doing it…”

At a time when Facebook morons are demanding Gary Lineker be sacked for comparing Tory refugee policies to those of the Nazis;

“…the masses were beaten down, stupefied and frightened by the pace of change.  Thus, driven to servile drooling by the tabloid-led power-and-status culture of reality TV, they tolerated or even worshipped, the abuses of the elites.  They had the rage of victims, but they turned this on each other or any group they perceived as being better treated than them.  And this perception was almost wholly controlled by the ruling establishment through their media.”

Returning to Frank Halfcock in his former role as Health Secretary and what he really did during the pandemic;

“The British public remains blithely unconcerned that the Tories shamelessly pilfer their tax pounds.  Indeed Rupert Murdoch and the BBC have done such a comprehensive job over the years that this is accepted with a resigned shrug…”

You might not believe this but there are still people walking among us who still trust the government, not all of them are called Frank.

Spoke too soon

I spoke too bloody soon.  Just when I start to believe the England team is invincible the wheels come off.  It had to happen, we knew that really.  Even the team was telling us to expect the odd defeat along the way as they try to change test cricket forever.  So why am I so bloody angry?

Because…  Because it shouldn’t have happened.  We were the better team, we’d set the match up and the only sensible decision was to bat on and keep the Kiwis in the field, take defeat out of the equation.  Enforcing the follow on was the quirky, funky thing to do, it was the flash thing to do, the arrogant thing.  If this match had taken place this coming summer with Australian opponents would England have declared?  I think definitely not.  England let the Kiwis back in the game for what?  For the sake of the game?  Bollocks.  This devalues test cricket and in some regions and the recent past this decision would have been scrutinised for dark reasons.  Fair play to New Zealand for making the most of the opportunity but make no mistake, England dominated this series and where by far the better team.  A drawn series flatters the home side, England gave it to them.

A week ago there were no questions but now I’m wondering where did Ollie Robinson go in this match?  Is Crawley looking over his shoulder yet?  With Bairstow set to return soon who will make way?  I hope it isn’t Foakes!

Red ball rampage

England won another test match making it ten out of the last eleven and spanking a very good home team, this highlighted by the stat it’s our first win in New Zealand since the tour when Anderson and Broad first bowled in tandem fifteen years ago.  It’s all going so well there’s very little to write, the team picks itself and everyone is contributing at some stage.  Or to put it another way, they’re all doing their jobs.  It seemed bizarre that England had virtually no practice but could still come out and impose themselves on decent opposition but there was no point when I could imagine anything other than an England win.  Was this because I was asleep for most of the play or am I starting to believe?  A year some people were talking about a ‘red ball reset’ now we are enjoying a red ball rampage, by this time next year test cricket could be changed forever.

McCarthy’s bar by Pete McCarthy.

Pete McCarthy is an Englishman with Irish heritage and family in Ireland’s wild west.  Here he takes a Bryson style tour of west Ireland trying to make sense of himself, is he English or Irish?  The book was written in 1999 and describes a country I knew well at that time and I loved that I could recognise familiar characters and scenes.  The names and towns may have been different but I’ve experienced almost identical scenarios.  One of McCarthy’s rules of travel is to never pass a pub that bears his name (and very many with other names) of which there are very many and his liking for a pint is the start of many amusing stories.  The Irish pub experience and the unlikely course these evenings can take is something else I’ve enjoyed many times.

The late nineties were a boom time for Irish tourism and McCarthy laments the fake Oirishness creeping into and spoiling the towns he knew in childhood.  In trying to give tourists an Irish experience the country is in danger of losing its identity.   Certainly by the end of the twentieth century Ireland as he knew it seems to be in the process of changing forever.  This would be the only Ireland I’ve ever known, did I experience the real Ireland?  Yes I believe I did.  But how much more has it changed in the two decades since I last visited?  Maybe I should find out some time or will I not like what I find?  Either way I liked this book.

The Ginger Prince

Usually this kind of shit passes me by but it’s been hard to ignore in these slow news weeks.  The younger royals always seemed fairly human and this one in particular actually behaved like a normal teenager which was encouraging.  But since he got married I think the bloke’s behaved like a prize bellend.  It would be easy to blame the actress but whatever the truth this feud is not going to quietly go away, it’s going to keep bubbling up at intervals because it’s easy money for the former lizards.  They’ve complained about the press in the past and yes our printed media is a fucking disgrace but it is hard to be sympathetic when you see them now using the media for their own gain.  This might well end badly.

I should be laughing at the discord in the world’s most famous dysfunctional family but for some reason I find myself getting pissed off at the exiles.  This is the post truth era for sure and something about this farce stinks of bullshit, I just don’t believe them, I think they’re telling lies.  I have no wish to defend the Windsor’s but Ginge and the thespian have lost the plot.

Nightwood by Djuna Barnes

Described as one of the great novels of the twentieth century but I’d never heard of it.  A love story I suppose, orbiting around Robin whose point of view we don’t actually get.  Her story is told by the man and two women that are in love with her, all of whom are tortured by Robin’s indifference.  Their confidant is the doctor who kind of narrates the book in a barely decipherable way, which I found frustrating and irritating.  Brilliant writing or the emperor’s new suit? 

I suppose this book would have been shocking in its day and there is the germ of an interesting story there but I must be a philistine because I think it is over rated bollocks.

Nothing else matters

Another year done, gone before you know it, where did it go and what the fuck happened? 

2022 was a great year for distraction, while we were looking in horror in one direction, all kinds of shady shit was going on in the shadows.  In Britain this resulted in a lot of headlines concerning royalty.  The Ginger Prince and his ride were always grumbling about something, his dodgy uncle made bad news go away using a technique pioneered by Michael Jackson so the Jubilee came in the nick of time but left poor old Queenie feeling knackered.

The biggest news of the year was obviously the death of QE2, a graceful figurehead of a failing, out dated institution that sits atop a crumbling society.  This was an extremely difficult time for a passive Republican who literally didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  In general the country mourned respectfully but the great British public still found time for outrage and argument.  Highlights included a Scottish chip shop being trashed after its owner appeared on social media celebrating Queenies demise (C’mon, that was beyond stupid).  Ex-serviceman proudly proclaimed “she was the best boss I ever had…” (You can tell yourself that but really you know it isn’t true.)  In London pilgrims undertook a ten mile hike to show their devotion but this was beset with claims of cheating and queue jumping.  Now we have a King with big ears and a pointed nose who looks like he should be pulling pints in a decrepit country pub.

Early in the year it all kicked off in Eastern Europe when a corrupt, fascist state was invaded by its larger neighbour, the prize as ever, is oil.  One CEO of an energy company was quoted saying “Just look over there, them bloody Russians!  Now bend over and brace yourself”.  Western governments were delighted as they were able to re-elect Putin as public enemy number one and the situation in Ukraine meant there was a scapegoat for all the worlds’ ills.  Basically leading politicians were given a free pass to do whatever the fuck they liked for the whole year but in a snowball of growing ineptitude they still managed to fuck it all up.  They tried to sway the stupid with “look at those bloody foreigners sneaking across the channel…” but this didn’t work for long.  Unfortunately the capitalists didn’t miss an open goal and cynically launched the cost of living into orbit while plunging the price of lives ever lower.

Somehow that cunt Johnson still couldn’t cling on to power, people could forgive 150k dead but when you throw a party and don’t invite them it puts their noses out of joint.  In times of crisis the Tory party always reverts to “every man for himself, throw the women and children under the bus” and to see our once proud leader being stabbed in the back, bravely cling to leadership then finally succumb brought tears of joy to many. 

With that cunt Johnson side lined politicians went on holiday for a few months while geriatrics and dribbling morons elected a new PM.  After weeks of discussions and working lunches where they nibbled at the food collected in their bibs, the Tory party elected Thick Lizzy who just had time to visit the Queen (whose health took a rapid and fatal turn for the worse) before unwittingly committing political suicide and vanishing from the face of the earth never to be seen again. The continued Tory policy of “chuck the captain overboard and the ship might just survive” did not go unnoticed.  The more cynical wondered if Thick Lizzy’s one job was to make the cunt Johnson look not quite so bad.  If this was the case then the jury is still out.

Now along with a new monarch we have to get used to another PM who since taking office has been hiding behind the sofa which is cramped and uncomfortable because that prick Starmer was already entrenched. Sometime soon, possibly next year, probably the one after, we get to choose between that pair of wankers.  There really is no hope… 

But away from all the grown up stuff the world of sport provided lots of excitement this year.  Heavyweight boxing got very interesting again, Fury and Usyk must fight then all questions should get answered.  In the national religion the England men’s football team played well and were damn unlucky.  The England women’s team who don’t earn a fraction were the real football superstars this year and honestly watching them win brought a lump to my throat.  They were class on the field and class off it, I find it much easier to relate to footballers who aren’t living a life of extreme privilege.  But the best footballer that ever played the game, bar none, died this year.

And Cricket, what the fuck did we just experience?  For the first half of the year England were a useless shower of shit, hammered by Australia and embarrassed by West Indies.  The failings were obvious to an armchair fanatic half a world away, how were things allowed to get so chaotic?  Let’s be kind and attribute it to Covid fall out.  Then the second half of the year we were unbelievably brilliant, winning nine out of ten with the whole team chipping in.  My brain is still trying to process what has happened since the start of the last English summer and there has been a lot written about the coach and the repugnant ‘bazball’ term but two things are clear to me.  The captain is brilliant and a once in a generation cricketer, the selectors – whoever they are – are picking the right teams.  Behind the scenes nobody is talking about Rob Key who has made some excellent decisions this year and should be feeling very happy indeed.  Oh yeah we won the T20 world cup too which makes England undisputed kings of white ball cricket, if you like that sort of thing.

I didn’t get to very much live music at all this year, I’m getting lazy.  But the Viagra Boys were excellent in London and Jools Holland in Norwich which was OK and I got to see the brilliant Ruby Turner sing once again.  The lady below won the Mercury prize this year, ‘…Introvert’ is a brilliant album and I’d like to see her perform in the near future.

In the real world where the majority of us live are we better or worse off than a year ago?  Obviously there’s a scary war, the price of every fucking thing has been hiked and we’re still in the midst of a global pandemic.  At source the real reason for this is the people who really rule the world are bleeding us all down to the bone and when the shit truly hits the fan most will already be dead and the survivors will hop on a rocket with Elon.

There must be some positives?  Well now that embarrassing cunt Johnson has gone the two party leaders whose names I can remember are both easy to ignore.  It makes a nice change to have news that is free from a PM behaving like an embarrassing bell end.  I know these people are puppets and it’s all meaningless so hopefully I might be able to abstain from all politics and not be dragged into the divide and conquer charade.  Ah fuck off, fuck it and fuck them. 

It’s all bollocks and its way beyond my pay grade anyway, what the fuck can you do except try to find humour in it all.  Spend time with your favourite people doing the things that you love, nothing else matters.  Happy New Year.