Another year done, gone before you know it, where did it go
and what the fuck happened?
2022 was a great year for distraction, while we were looking
in horror in one direction, all kinds of shady shit was going on in the
shadows. In Britain this resulted in a
lot of headlines concerning royalty. The
Ginger Prince and his ride were always grumbling about something, his dodgy
uncle made bad news go away using a technique pioneered by Michael Jackson so
the Jubilee came in the nick of time but left poor old Queenie feeling
knackered.
The biggest news of the year was obviously the death of QE2,
a graceful figurehead of a failing, out dated institution that sits atop a
crumbling society. This was an extremely
difficult time for a passive Republican who literally didn’t know whether to
laugh or cry. In general the country
mourned respectfully but the great British public still found time for outrage
and argument. Highlights included a Scottish
chip shop being trashed after its owner appeared on social media celebrating
Queenies demise (C’mon, that was beyond stupid). Ex-serviceman proudly proclaimed “she was the best boss I ever had…” (You
can tell yourself that but really you know it isn’t true.) In London pilgrims undertook a ten mile hike
to show their devotion but this was beset with claims of cheating and queue
jumping. Now we have a King with big
ears and a pointed nose who looks like he should be pulling pints in a decrepit
country pub.
Early in the year it all kicked off in Eastern Europe when a
corrupt, fascist state was invaded by its larger neighbour, the prize as ever,
is oil. One CEO of an energy company was
quoted saying “Just look over there, them
bloody Russians! Now bend over and brace
yourself”. Western governments were
delighted as they were able to re-elect Putin as public enemy number one and
the situation in Ukraine meant there was a scapegoat for all the worlds’
ills. Basically leading politicians were
given a free pass to do whatever the fuck they liked for the whole year but in
a snowball of growing ineptitude they still managed to fuck it all up. They tried to sway the stupid with “look at
those bloody foreigners sneaking across the channel…” but this didn’t work for
long. Unfortunately the capitalists
didn’t miss an open goal and cynically launched the cost of living into orbit
while plunging the price of lives ever lower.
Somehow that cunt Johnson still couldn’t cling on to power,
people could forgive 150k dead but when you throw a party and don’t invite them
it puts their noses out of joint. In
times of crisis the Tory party always reverts to “every man for himself, throw the women and children under the bus”
and to see our once proud leader being stabbed in the back, bravely cling to
leadership then finally succumb brought tears of joy to many.
With that cunt Johnson side lined politicians went on
holiday for a few months while geriatrics and dribbling morons elected a new
PM. After weeks of discussions and
working lunches where they nibbled at the food collected in their bibs, the
Tory party elected Thick Lizzy who just had time to visit the Queen (whose
health took a rapid and fatal turn for the worse) before unwittingly committing
political suicide and vanishing from the face of the earth never to be seen
again. The continued Tory policy of “chuck
the captain overboard and the ship might just survive” did not go
unnoticed. The more cynical wondered if
Thick Lizzy’s one job was to make the cunt Johnson look not quite so bad. If this was the case then the jury is still
out.
Now along with a new monarch we have to get used to another PM who since taking office has been hiding behind the sofa which is cramped and uncomfortable because that prick Starmer was already entrenched. Sometime soon, possibly next year, probably the one after, we get to choose between that pair of wankers. There really is no hope…
But away from all the grown up stuff the world of sport
provided lots of excitement this year. Heavyweight
boxing got very interesting again, Fury and Usyk must fight then all questions
should get answered. In the national
religion the England men’s football team played well and were damn
unlucky. The England women’s team who
don’t earn a fraction were the real football superstars this year and honestly
watching them win brought a lump to my throat.
They were class on the field and class off it, I find it much easier to
relate to footballers who aren’t living a life of extreme privilege. But the best footballer that ever played the game,
bar none, died this year.
And Cricket, what the fuck did we just experience? For the first half of the year England were a
useless shower of shit, hammered by Australia and embarrassed by West
Indies. The failings were obvious to an
armchair fanatic half a world away, how were things allowed to get so
chaotic? Let’s be kind and attribute it
to Covid fall out. Then the second half
of the year we were unbelievably brilliant, winning nine out of ten with the
whole team chipping in. My brain is
still trying to process what has happened since the start of the last English
summer and there has been a lot written about the coach and the repugnant
‘bazball’ term but two things are clear to me.
The captain is brilliant and a once in a generation cricketer, the
selectors – whoever they are – are picking the right teams. Behind the scenes nobody is talking about Rob
Key who has made some excellent decisions this year and should be feeling very
happy indeed. Oh yeah we won the T20
world cup too which makes England undisputed kings of white ball cricket, if
you like that sort of thing.
I didn’t get to very much live music at all this year, I’m getting lazy. But the Viagra Boys were excellent in London and Jools Holland in Norwich which was OK and I got to see the brilliant Ruby Turner sing once again. The lady below won the Mercury prize this year, ‘…Introvert’ is a brilliant album and I’d like to see her perform in the near future.
In the real world where the majority of us live are we
better or worse off than a year ago?
Obviously there’s a scary war, the price of every fucking thing has been
hiked and we’re still in the midst of a global pandemic. At source the real reason for this is the
people who really rule the world are bleeding us all down to the bone and when
the shit truly hits the fan most will already be dead and the survivors will
hop on a rocket with Elon.
There must be some positives? Well now that embarrassing cunt Johnson has
gone the two party leaders whose names I can remember are both easy to
ignore. It makes a nice change to have
news that is free from a PM behaving like an embarrassing bell end. I know these people are puppets and it’s all
meaningless so hopefully I might be able to abstain from all politics and not
be dragged into the divide and conquer charade.
Ah fuck off, fuck it and fuck them.
It’s all bollocks and its way beyond my pay grade anyway,
what the fuck can you do except try to find humour in it all. Spend time with your favourite people doing
the things that you love, nothing else matters.
Happy New Year.
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