A rich man's paedophile ring.

Jeffery fucking Epstein.  Just in case you’ve been living in a cave for the last few years, Epstein was a billionaire “financier” (which I believe to mean con man) who courted the rich and famous.  His New York home and private island were the scenes of exclusive sex parties in which women, some of whom were underage and were sexually abused.  He served time in the US in 2008 – 2009 for trafficking underage girls yet still his friends, politicians and Royalty remained loyal to him.  He was arrested again and was being held in jail again when he died under mysterious circumstances.  At the time it was thought to be suicide but in the light of those now implicated, does anyone believe it was anything other than an assassination?  Whatever the truth I doubt we’ll ever get to the bottom of it.

Certainly there are a load of famous and influential people who would have breathed a sigh of relief at his demise and these same people have been keeping their mouths firmly shut ever since.  It is possible that these former friends of a known paedophile are themselves innocent of any wrong doing, unlikely but possible.  But even if we take that massive leap of faith, they are all guilty of silence and are therefore complicit.  This went on for years, young women were being exploited and many rich, powerful people knew about it.  When kids are being abused and people with knowledge stay silent then ‘law’ doesn’t come into it, they are guilty of something truly horrible. I'll call it what it is; a rich man's paedophile ring.

Obviously most of the guilty dwell west of the Atlantic on the insane side of the ocean, (not that we’re much better to be fair…)  The whole world knows Trump tells lies every time his mouth opens and the whole world knows he was involved with Epstein.  It turns out that many of Donny Paedo’s friends and associates were on good terms with Epstein, many of these still hold positions of power. Other names that would be familiar in the UK include Bill Clinton who we know is no stranger to a sex scandal, the evil emperor Elon Musk, and the man who sold the world Bill Gates.  From elsewhere also mentioned in the E files are former Israeli PM Ehud Barak and our own loveable self made man and grandson of a Viscount, Richard fucking Branson.  Of course Branson is not the only British subject under scrutiny for extreme lack of judgement when choosing friends.

Starting with the former HRH once ironically known a Randy Andy who is already in disgrace for his association via Epstein, with the under age Virginia Guiffre.  Andy always proclaims his innocence yet something compelled him to settle out of court in 2022 after being sued by Guiffre.  This after failing to convince the judge to dismiss the case.  Andy tried to get his personal security to smear Guiffre, to paint her in a bad light and so make himself look like some kind of victim.  Virginia Guiffre committed suicide in April 2025.  The latest batch of Epstein files implicate Andy further, a photo of him in a questionable position above an obviously under age female.  Still the bastard remains silent.

Randy Andy’s former wife, once known as Sarah Duchess of York has herself been forced to close her own charity and withdraw from association with others due to her own links to Epstein.  It is not suggested that she was involved with anything sleazy but she certainly remained in contact with Epstein after his initial conviction for trafficking.  It is hard to believe she didn’t know more than she has ever let on.  Will the lizard king bring pressure on little bruv to speak or will they all just stay silent and hope it blows over.  I know where I’d put my money.

Then we come to my own personal “favourite” Peter Mandleson AKA Lord Mandelson, described by Wiki as a “former British politician, lobbyist and diplomat”.  Alternatively, I might describe him as an example of everything that is wrong with modern British career politicians; self serving, duplicitous, lacking in moral conviction and ultimately corrupt.  Mandleson was one of the architects of New Labour and so betrayed the working class and the people who originally elected him.  His own personal dodgy dealings led to him having to resign his position twice whilst serving in Blair’s government and how many more did he get away with?  In recent times he betrayed the working class a second time by taking every opportunity to undermine Jeremy Corbyn’s leadership.  Whatever people think of Corbyn, he was twice democratically elected by Labour members and the party had it’s highest membership of modern times whilst he lead the party.  In sporting terms what Mandleson done is equivalent to deliberately playing to lose, leaving the stumps unguarded or scoring an own goal.  Perhaps the best comparison is Hansie Cronje.  There have been many occasions over the years when Mandleson has met with influential people; financiers and Russian oligarchs included, which constituted a clear conflict of interest.  In plain language, Mandleson was already known to be a dodgy fucker, yet still he was influential in Starmer’s government.  Then came the Epstein files.

As information was released and his association with Epstein became apparent, Mandleson was forced to resign once again, this time from his position as Ambassador to the US.  People will quickly forget when someone meets a dodgy Russian but a friend to a paedo is in the spotlight for life.  In recent days we’ve learned Epstein paid a large sum of money to Mandleson’s husband and now it seems Lord Peter forwarded internal government information to Epstein in 2009.  This took place whilst he was business secretary and after Epstein had been convicted of sex trafficking.  The government are currently working on legislation to strip Mandleson of his peerage but they shouldn’t stop there, this fucker should be going to prison.  However, although he will never redeem himself, the Peter formally known as Lord does have an opportunity to do the right thing.  Talk.  Tell people what you know, point the finger, name names, help bring the other guilty people to justice.  Help the victims.

From the depth and detail of the Epstein files it doesn’t take too great a leap of faith to conclude that the files were Jeffery’s insurance policy.  If he went down then he intended to take a whole load of powerful people down with him.  What has resulted is an international sex scandal with evidence of global corruption and the same powerful people are still colluding to limit the flow of information and investigation.  Compare this to the furore that erupted when Clinton spunked on a dress.

Sack the kiwi

Another away Ashes series has gone badly, we should be used to this by now but this one is feels particularly raw.  We were not beaten by a better team but by one that played smarter cricket.  The score line is irrelevant in a way, what really niggles is I put my faith and trust in the England set up, they were going to do things differently, their way and despite misgivings I believed there was a grand plan that would bring the Ashes home.  Two days into the series the penny dropped, my rose tinted specs shattered and I realised how naïve my thinking had been.  

I am a great believer in positive thinking but when it becomes delusional it is dangerous.  We are given the impression that Stokes & McCullum have been allowed to do what they want within the bubble of ‘the group’.  Somebody now needs to get a grip on things, the culture needs to change.  I have no problem with players having a drink but the stories that are starting to seep out go beyond just having a drink.  If these are only part true then for an international sports team the behaviour is simply unprofessional.  As a supporter I would describe my feelings as being badly let down, conned even.  Not so much by the players but by the management team that has allowed these things to happen, I mean actions before and during the series both on and off the field.  What the fuck were they thinking?  They’ve made idiots of themselves as well as people like me who wanted to believe in them.  My cricket addicted friends agree, we have a collective feeling of anger which must be even stronger for England’s travelling fans.  Especially those who had tickets for days three onwards at Melbourne.  It would not surprise me to see McCullum get a hostile reception around the grounds this summer, if he lasts that long.

After heaping the stinking pile of blame on to the management team Perhaps I shouldn’t be so critical of the players as it may transpire that many have been badly coached or advised.  They certainly weren’t prepared professionally for international sport and it’s looking like they weren’t even encouraged to look after themselves whilst on tour.

Top Marks - We know what Joe Root gives us, he is our greatest ever batsman and he delivered again with two tons, if he got in he stayed in.  The only other batsman to impress was Jacob Bethell who will be a fixture of the team for a long time to come.  Before the series we knew how good Archer could be and it was good to see him at his best again; threatening with the ball and effective with the bat.  Jofra is a cricketer of the highest class, lets hope he stays fit (even if he should really be playing for West Indies).  Going into the series Tongue was very much an unknown quantity, how would he handle Australia?  Bloody well it turns out even when we wasn’t captained particularly well. 

We know you can do better  -  Stokes didn’t have his best series with the bat nor was his captaincy as good as it should be.  Actually it was bloody poor at times but he bowled consistently well throughout the series although often at the wrong times.  He needs to answer questions about the team culture as much as his decision making but at his best he is still an excellent captain and a great cricketer.  Duckett was way below par but unlike Crawley his stats tell us he is a good player and he should continue at the top of the order.  I’d say the same about Atkinson who was not at his best but was unlucky on the field, unlucky to be left out for a match and unlucky to get injured.  Brook is infuriating, loads of talent but apparently short on brain cells.  His numbers on the tour aren’t bad but if he could have stayed at the crease for longer he could have won us matches.  It may turn out that his off field decision making had a major effect on his performances and he more than any other player demonstrates why we need a different approach from the management.  

Good luck/bad luck – Jacks didn’t dream he’d play four matches and did okay in the circumstances without giving the selectors a good reason to select him again.  As for Bashir, two years of planning, how did he not get a game down under and what does it say about the coach?  Maybe the Kiwi would like to explain what it was all about, it certainly hasn’t done the player any favours.  Poor old Mark Wood, if there’s one player we know will give his all when able he’s the man.  With another injury I doubt we’ll see him in tests again but I hope I’m wrong.

Go back to your county and try again – Pope has been living in the shadow of the gallows for years and the pressure inflicted by both the Australian team and England’s management cracked him.  He may well come back lower down the order but he needs to find his groove again.   Smith has shown he has talent in both of his roles but he has also shown he doesn’t yet have the mental toughness for test cricket.  Then there’s Crawley who scored a few runs and got out cheaply a few times.  A normal series then which has been enough to see him hang on to his place for the last four years but the numbers don’t add up and it is time to try someone else.

Just no! – Carse actually reminds me a lot of Merv Hughes but he doesn’t have the luck nor crucially the intelligence.  Why they kept on giving him the new ball is anyone’s guess, he’s not an opening bowler and if other players are fit he has no place in the team.  That he was our leading wicket taker leads to a load more awkward questions.  Potts has been unlucky throughout his stop/start career but I think we know he’s not quite good enough.
BAZ!  Where do I start?  For consistently failing to select the best XI since 2023, for being responsible for a totally unprofessional England team to tour Australia, for the gross mismanagement of Bashir/Leech, for the enforced retirement of Jimmy Anderson, for taking away accountability in the dressing room, for the arrogant lack of preparation, for not having the humility to admit he’s wrong.  For blowing a golden chance of winning in Australia, for trying to reinvent the fucking wheel, just fuck off you sheep shagger.  But the latest news is he’ll be hanging on to his job, so will surely have no choice but to make changes to England’s approach off the field and the personnel on it.

As for the Aussies well Starc and Head were the difference between the two teams and Carey was bloody impressive behind the stumps.  Smith talks bollocks at times but you have to respect him as a player and Labuschagne is simply a wanker.  Boland done well and it was nice to see Khawaja given the chance to say goodbye.  Nobody should be losing any sleep over the rest of them and England should have beaten this team.

We don’t have another test until New Zealand in early June and we must all hope for changes in the starting XI.  Crawley has to go and the best two openers in county cricket are Hameed and Sibley, both have been tried before but both have spent a few years playing regular first class cricket in successful teams and are better, more confident players for it.  If Smith is rested, as he should be, then Jordan Cox looks like he’s next inline as a wicket keeper/batsman but the best wickie in county cricket is still Ben Foakes.

Team for the first Test vs New Zealand in June;
Duckett, Hameed, Bethell, Root, Brook, Stokes (c), Foakes (w), Atkinson, Archer, Tongue, Leech

5th Test Sydney

The fifth and final test from Sydney and neither team picked a spinner on what has traditionally been the most productive pitch for slow bowling down under.  I’m not one for subtlety so I’m going to call cricket Australia out for pitch doctoring.  Before the great Shane Warne came along Sydney was the ONLY pitch that spun but within a few years they were ALL going sideways.  Now Oz has in Starc, Hazlewood and Cummins a damn good seam attack, none of the pitches are spinning much instead they now resemble strips from division two of the county championship in April.  CA know what they are doing, this is deliberate and in all honesty no different to any other part of the cricketing world, except perhaps England?  In which case more fool us, there’s nothing wrong with home advantage as long as it doesn’t become farce as it has done in Pakistan and India in the not so distant past.  This is where the match referee and pitch inspectors need to show some bollocks.

Anyway, England won the toss and batted first, as usual we threatened to dig ourselves into a deep whole but Root and Brook got in and made it count.  By the time bad weather curtailed play England had reached 211-3, a decent position if far from a dominant one but for once this winter I was actually looking forward to day two.  I should have known better, what happened next was predictable.  Brook got out playing a nothing shot, quickly followed by Stokes so I went to bed.
What I found when checking in the following morning was also predictable, Root got a big ton, Smith scored a few but got out to a stupid shot and England ended up probably 70 runs short.  England’s openers bowled badly allowing Australia to bat comfortably to the end of play and finished 166 -2.  Carthorse is not a test cricketer let alone an opening bowler.

I listened to the start of day three and it began okay but when Potts came on and started chucking pies again, then Head was badly dropped I’d heard enough.  When I picked things up again the following morning it was no surprise to see Oz had amassed over 500 runs and were in full control of the match with Head and bloody Smith both getting tons.  Day four started with the possibility of an innings defeat and things looked grim when Stokes went off injured but Tongue knocked a couple over and Aus weren’t able to do much more damage.  As usual I clicked the App in the morning with trepidation but what I saw had me saying “fucking hell” in a positive tone.  Bethell was 142 not out and England had a 119 run lead with two wickets left.  Further scrutiny revealed 40+ scores for Duckett and Brook along with a load of single figure scores.  How many more runs will we need to make a game of this?  Probably too many but at least we’ve lasted until the fifth day.

7^th January 2025, my last opportunity to listen to a bit of Ashes cricket from down under, although that four years seems to come around at an alarming rate these days.  I half expected us to be blown away quickly but Potts survived and Bethell nudged his way past 150 and the lead crept up.  When Bethell edged behind it was time to climb the stairs.  England set 150 odd which was a challenge Australia completed with 5 wickets left to take the match and the 4-1 series win.  Now let the inquiries begin and never have they been more necessary.

2025 WTF?

Ah tradition!  Typing out a rant on New year’s eve (mostly) whilst imbibing beer and other narcotics (allegedly) and seeing where it takes me.  What I end up with is some vaguely coherent bollocks which amuses me if no one else.

Jesus Christ where do you start?  Well not with Jesus obviously because whether we like it or not he’s become irrelevant, even at the time of year we’re supposed to be celebrating his birth.  Nowadays we worship money and demonstrate our devotion by flaunting our possessions and this is the true meaning of Christmas.

So what did I miss in the news this year?

It seems increasingly likely that the US president - who we already know to be a convicted criminal and a compulsive liar – can also add child molestation to his list of crimes.  We also know nothing will be done to bring him to justice…
Just think, earlier in the year this paedo was given the full state welcome to this country including a banquet with Charlie big ears.  How can our ‘Royal’ family get involved with…  Ah yes hang on, one of their own is also implicated and every day looks a little bit more guilty.  Come to think of it, if the pervert formally known by the Murdoch press as ‘Randy Andy’ was actually innocent, wouldn’t he be getting lawyers involved?  Will he ever see justice?  Of course not, not while he’s alive at least.  Al Fayed and Saville spring to mind although Wacko Jacko got await with it, with help from a back catalogue worth billions because if there’s money to be made...  If Gary fucking Glitter had sold more records he’d be getting away with it too.

Cover ups were still big news in 2025, the long awaited Covid enquiry was published and told us nothing that wasn’t obvious at the time.  The government royally fucked up and this cost lives, De Pfeffel is a moron, Halfcock is an idiot, the pair of wankers should be put on trial along with Cummings and a few other bastards.  The yanks are excited about the Epstein files which implicates Donny Paedo and a sizeable chunk of wealthy America, allegedly.  The documents released so far are all heavily redacted, it’s as if someone over there doesn’t want the truth to come out?

What a disgusting shower of shite British politics is and everyday it gets worse.  Fucking Starmer started by lying and double crossing the Labour members that made him party leader so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he carries on in the same vein.  The vast majority of the people elected to parliament are nothing more than parasites and they have so much contempt for the electorate they don’t even bother to pretend they are telling the truth.  None of the major political parties even pretend to care about the people and neither does Reform and if you’ve been conned by these chancers you’d better move on to the next page.  Actually why don’t you spend the next few minutes googling Nigel’s backers so you know exactly who you’re voting for.
Now the dumb cunts have gone I’ll carry on. 

The Establishment (ref. Owen Jones) are getting away with it these days because they’ve reverted to the tried and tested ‘Divide & conquer’ politics that have served them for centuries.  These people actually need immigrants as they are thankful for the shit jobs and help keep wages down.  They are also invaluable as scape goats to be used to rile up the herd.  While we’re all squabbling amongst ourselves we forget to keep an eye on what the bastards are up to.
As ever it’s all about the flow of cash and if charlatans such as Tommy ‘ten names’ Yaxley-Lennon can make a few quid by exploiting his followers (and so fund a lavish, jet set lifestyle) themselves then so be it.  Even if the shit he stirs smells fouler than most.  This year Ten names’ followers took to the streets to reclaim “are cuntry”.  They did this by painting roundabouts, hoisting flags and shouting at hotel doors.  They will never succeed in reclaiming anything because the Britain they mourn never actually existed.  All they achieve is to antagonise the marginalised communities that they are happy to pay to cook for them, drive them home from the pub, care for and generally tidy up after.   I wonder if they used to bully their mothers?

It’s no consolation but when it comes to racism other countries still practice it with much more expertise than we are able.  The yanks have a long history of ethnic persecution and exploitation and Donny Paedo is ramping it up again.  But even two and a half centuries of experience has been pushed aside by one of their young cousins.  The state of Israel has taken racism, turbo charged it and given us ethnic cleansing AND STILL THE WESTERN WORLD IS SILENT!  Meanwhile the Russians blew up a bus shelter in Kiev today and there is uproar.

How fucked is it that in this supposed free country people are being arrested and jailed for belonging to the group ‘Palestine Action’ which has been branded as ‘terrorist’ when their MO is peaceful protest?
How can the Murdoch media become outraged by musicians such as Bob Vylan and more recently Primal Scream making pro Palestinian/anti Zionist statements yet they do not express the horror of the genocide on our doorsteps?
“But that bastard Putin…”  Yes he is a bastard but there are worse much closer to home.

Also in international news Donny paedo began this year by promising that he, personally would be sorting out the Russia/Ukraine shitstorm and a peaceful solution was a formality, just days away.  Since then the peace loving Pres has launched unprovoked military action against targets in Iraq, Nigeria and Venezuela.  The fact that all three countries have oil reserves is pure coincidence.  It makes me wonder what is beneath the Greenland ice as Donny paedo has been threatening to annex this massive lump of nothing for years.

Back at home, we are still finding money for weapons we’ll never use but can’t find any cash to help the struggling NHS.  Private health care is coming, it’s just a question of when.  Our public services are being deliberately run down, in the near future the things paid for by the state that we currently take for granted will come at a price.  You want a precedent?  Test cricket, top tier football, championship boxing and any other sport you want to watch.  More serious, there is dentistry and even getting the doctor to syringe your ears out.
The water companies are still knowingly polluting our rivers while their CEO’s pay themselves bonuses.  This is one of the more visible examples of corporate greed being put before people’s welfare and simply doing the right fucking thing!
Talking of which, just tax the billionaires you grovelling cunts!

Honestly, I do not understand modern gender politics, where Trans people are concerned I don’t have a clue who does what to who but I respect people’s right to identify however they choose.  They’re not hurting anyone so why do people get so bothered about it?  Why are people so upset they need to go to the high court to enforce their oppression?  I’ll stand alongside Trans people while this country becomes hostile towards yet another marginalised group.  I won’t be spending my hard earned on any more publications from the writer formally known as Rowling.  The Harry Potter world is brilliant even if the writing is over rated but the Galbraith books become more tedious and over written with every instalment, for God’s sake it’s about time they fucked!  Just get it over with and while you’re at it get yourself an editor.  If JK is going to use her wealth to fund persecution (because she’s too arrogant to admit she was wrong in the first place) she won’t be getting any top up from me.

Every year people are born and people die, believe it or not famous people die too which often comes as a surprise to them as they assume immortality as one of the perks of fame.  Unfortunately the people we would like to see the back of rarely seem to conk out (who shouted ‘Tebbitt’ at the back?) and it makes you wonder if they really have done a deal with the devil.  For example Murdoch, Netanyahu, Donny Paedo, Putin, De Pfeffel, Musk, Bezos and a cast of thousands.
Instead we recognise the deaths of people that mostly touched people in a positive way which for me this time around was two old friends as well as George Foreman, Diane Keaton, Mani, Dickie Bird and Ozzy.

Mentioning the billionaires reminds me of the irony of me recycling my household waste while those cunts blast themselves into space for a joy ride.  This doesn’t make me smile.  Katy Perry didn’t expect the backlash when she got on board, I wonder if she’s learnt anything from either experience?

A more humble ‘celebrity’ is Gary Lineker, once a truly great footballer he turned himself into a damn good broadcaster but made the mistake of NOT keeping his personal opinions to himself.  This happened on numerous occasions but it was his anti genocide statements that finally saw him part company from the BBC.  I’m not going to bash the beeb because despite its many faults it is still the nearest thing we have to independent and impartial journalism.  In reality it is far from these ideals but it’s still the best we’ve got and when the BBC is no more we’ll have to pay for everything.  Which brings me back to Donny paedo again, no matter how hard I try to ignore this terrible example of the human species, it really is impossible.  The beeb used quotes from the paedo out of context just like journalists have done on a daily basis for as long as there has been news.  So Donny P says he will sue the BBC and there are fuckwitts applauding this.  I assume they don’t pay for a TV licence and don’t realise it’s their tax revenue the paedo is after.

A word of acknowledgement to the sick bastards that control and manipulate the news we get to see and hear every day.  Also a tip of the hat to the way news is managed in such a way it gets the herd believing exactly what the Establishment wants them too.  These evil fuckers have a billion dollar budget and I’m sure they are rewarded in kind.  They may be cunts but they’re damn good at what they do.

Well that is the most obvious shite covered but there were some good things going on in sport during 2025.  England’s women became world champions in Rugby union and European champions at football.  Both sets of players set brilliant examples of how to behave on and off the field and seem far more eloquent and intelligent than their male counterparts.  To be fair our male rugby players rarely let themselves down either and after losing their first match of 2025 went unbeaten thereafter (nb. 13 aside egg chasing doesn’t count).  Our cricketers had a poor year across all formats and where it matters most won only four out of ten tests.  After Zimbabwe were crushed we drew with India in a great series that we really should have won.  Then the Ashes, well at least we won a match for a change.

How do we stay sane when we have paedos, psychos, whores, bullshitters and bastards in control of the world?  Don’t even bother to try, the apparently sane people are the ones we really should treat with suspicion.  Pretty much all of the things above are best ignored after all, what the fuck can we do about it?  I say it every year, concentrate of the people you love and the things that make you happy. Nothing else matters.

Cricket but not as we know it

The Boxing day Test, essential listening (or viewing at times) at the end of Christmas day.  Sitting  there half pissed hoping to hear England do well.  In 2010 it was wonderful, glorious but every other time it’s been grim.  Tonight it started steady, Atkinson kept things tight but at the other end…  Is Carse short for carthorse?  Gus struck and the Aussies got stuck.  Tongue came on at the other end and nipped two out in no time.  A good time to go to bed but by the time I’d tidied up, brushed me teeth and climbed the stairs he’d nipped Smith out too!  That’ll do nicely thanks Father Xmas.

The following morning one of the first things I done after regaining consciousness was click on the Cricinfo app, I shouldn’t have been surprised.  This time they’re blaming the pitch and they may have a point but it makes no difference.  As bad as the scorecard looks, unbelievably England are not yet out of it so I’ll tune in again this evening, I wonder what will be happening by the time I go to bed… 

Things were tight and a couple of wickets fell before I went upstairs but when I woke the following morning I was in no hurry to check the score.  I assumed things would be grim so when I saw the score my jaw dropped and I nearly dropped me mug of tea.  England won by four wickets with Bethell top scoring and Carthorse took four wickets.  It’s good to be proved wrong.  The first win down under in fifteen years which is great but that just makes me even more frustrated!!  We should have won in Perth which would have immediately shifted the pressure onto the Aussies and then who knows what would have happened?  At worst we’d have been going to the SCG at 2-2 and my money would have been on an away win.  

But I'll allow myself this rare pleasure of celebrating a Test win down under, outside the winning series in 1986 and 2010 I think that's just the fourth time i can remember, making only nine in total. I think England can and will win a tenth next week which would make the score look respectable and arguably show we could/should have won this series.  If only they’d had not taken the preparation for granted.

Ashes, agonising and antagnonising

A few days ago the result that seemed a formality after day two in Perth was confirmed so putting us out of our misery, until the next time.  England did show a little fight this time but not until the game was as good as gone.  England have had the players to be competitive this time which is what makes this latest thrashing so frustrating.  At least the coach has shown some humility in the aftermath but he’ll need to answer some serious questions around planning, preparation and selection.

I still think England can win a match or two on this tour but our chances will not be helped by injury to Jofra, who has probably been our best player to this point.  This means Carse gets to play another Test match or two which should be his last because nothing he’s done since becoming ever present in the side merits repeated selection.  Ollie Pope has finally been put out of his misery so can look forward to finding his groove with Surrey next summer, he is good enough to come back again just not at three.  Predictably Jacob Bethell, who has played virtually no cricket this year replaces him but as far as runs on the scoresheet goes, I doubt we’ll see much change.  Like the great Jacques Kallis, Ben Stokes should bat at three.  Nobody in the squad has a better technique and it could set the tone for the batsmen that follow.  Also Will Jacks retains his place which means England won’t have any control from the spin option and we wonder WTF has the whole Bashir thing been about?  No one will be pondering this more than Jack Leach.

Despite all of this I still think if England can make a big first innings score at the MCG we can control the game and go on to win.  Even in the era of Warne, McGrath, Ponting and the Waughs we at least managed to win a test on those tours.  If our poorest teams could do this against Australia’s greatest then this team should be doing much better.

Ashes Humble Pie

A couple of years ago I was calling England the best team in the world and for a while they played as if they could be.  I should have known it couldn’t last, the history of the game tells us this but I went along with it because I’m a fan and I want to believe.  Now three days into the second Ashes Test match, what should have been obvious is suddenly blindingly so and in that light my foolishness can’t hide.  To be fair to myself I’ve been critical too in the recent past; I think Stokes is an excellent on field captain so in my mind the problem has to be the (other) Kiwi. Even so, had I made a prediction before this series I’d have gone for an England win but right now I’m thinking we’ll probably be 2-0 down by this time tomorrow.  I can tell myself the win may still be possible, we almost pulled it off before but I remind myself we should have won that series comfortably.  At this moment I’m not even sure I want England to come back, because that would mean Bazbollocks would be vindicated.  It’s like having too much booze, great fun right up until the point when the very thought of it makes you want to puke.  The anger comes from frustration, this time around England are/were very capable of beating Australia and this chance is being thrown away.  The truth is Bazbollocks has made us all look stupid, fans and team and I hope the coach feels this too.

The more I think about it the more England’s bizarre decision making becomes obvious to see.  Starting with the strange ‘out of nowhere’ selections, some like Bashir have worked to an extent but I still don’t rate him as highly as Leach.  Like Crawley, Bashir has been selected because the brains trust think he’s the right type of bowler for pitches down under, now we’re there he hasn’t played and Jacks was selected ahead of him because the batsmen keep fucking up.  Then there’s the Bethell situation which began about a year ago.  We’ve had a young, talented but unproven batsmen waiting in the wings, not playing cricket but putting pressure on another player just by being there.  Now he doesn’t look like being picked and he’s wasted a year of learning through playing.  The under pressure Pope just about clings to his spot and is rewarded by having the vice captaincy taken away and given to Brook.  Yes Harry has obvious talent but I’m starting to suspect this outstrips his intelligence.  Jamie Smith’s form started to slide in the second half of the India series but now his descent looks to be accelerating with both bat and crucially, gloves.  At the moment I can’t see him getting a run down under and if he keeps dropping catches the only player who can take the gloves is Pope.  Having Bethell bat at three suddenly seems a ridiculous idea and it’s hard to see how it ever looked like a good one.  Back to the bowlers, Josh Tongue looked a player this summer but for the end of that series and the beginning of this he’s been left out, meanwhile the more Carse bowls in Tests the more average he looks.  We shouldn’t forget that virtually the first move of the Bazbollocks Ashes strategy was to send England’s greatest bowler off into retirement.  How did we not recognise how disgraceful this was at the time?

Listen to me, the second test isn’t even done yet and here I am reacting like we’ve lost 5-0!  When I criticise an England player I want them to prove me wrong, I want them to make me eat my words!  Stokes and Jacks could defend and accumulate just like West Indies managed to do in New Zealand.  We might manage to set some kind of target and if we bowl well…  I’ve been here too many times before.  My final slice of humble pie concerns the Saffers who reacted in the right way to my slagging after the WTC by winning away in India and proving me wrong again.  I hope England get the message.