Tuesday, 30 June 2026

Third test. It can't get any worse

Third test.  New Zealand won the toss on a flat pitch and decided to bat.  Openers Latham and Conway opened the batting and kept going and going and going and…

As the runs piled up, landmarks came and went and sessions passed so the questions formed in my mind; flat pitch or good batting? Will we ever take a wicket? What the fuck is going on?  If NZ bat us out of the match, will that be the end of the Kiwi?
Eventually, deep into the third session both openers fell in quick succession but not until each had passed 150 and the partnership was over three hundred.  England mugged two more out before the end of the day and things looked a lot brighter.  It wasn’t long ago that we thought England could win from any position but that confidence is long gone now.

Day two saw a complete reversal.  England bowled well - Stokes in particular, kept the pressure on and managed to take the final six NZ wickets for just seventy seven more runs and New Zealand finished on 438.  In England’s reply Gay fell early but Duckett and Bethell were superb and when the day closed the score was 223/2. Duckett was out having made 113 but Bethell was unbeaten on 74 with Root alongside him at the crease.  Despite their still being a large deficit the feeling was England were ahead in the game and should be able to power on in the morning and get a lead.

On the third day the match flipped again.  England lost the overnight batsmen quickly and there was a procession of wickets; Smith and Stokes contributed little but Brook passed fifty again before missing a straight one.  The innings was all over at tea all out for 354 now New Zealand were clearly ahead in the game although the TMS commentators were saying the pitch was deteriorating.  Jofra removed the openers and it was game on but NZ batted well and finished on 120-3.  With a lead of 204 their position was stronger than it was at the end of the first day.

The fourth day was one of good old fashioned attritional cricket with England bowling well, nicking wickets but NZ gradually building their lead.  Ravindra was out in the nineties and Mitchell scored the slowest half century for years while Stokes and Archer took the wickets. 
Then in the middle of the afternoon came a total shock, Ben Stokes announced his retirement at the end of the game.  Why?  Was it for his long term health and fitness or have the controversies and disappointments of recent weeks and months taken their toll?  Reasons are irrelevant, England will be losing one of our greatest cricketers and the future for this current team is uncertain to say the least.

Back to the cricket…  New Zealand kept plodding along, Stokes got a wicket in the first over after his retirement was announced, of course he did!  Mitchell completed a brilliant hundred and NZ declared with a lead of 370+.  Stokes opened the batting (of course he did!) blazed away to 30 then got out and was applauded from the field for the final time, he’ll be missed in so many ways.  After that England batted like it was a one day match, runs scored, wickets fell and finished the day on 103/4.  I know this was an emotional afternoon but this was brainless cricket, almost disrespectful to the game and to the opposition.

The final day had no surprises unless you count Smith getting a few runs and perhaps extending his test career a while longer.  England managed to bat on into the second session which suggests that with a bit more application on the previous evening, a draw might have been possible.  Drawn test matches have gone out of fashion lately but there have been countless great test matches that finished without a result.  New Zealand eventually bowled England out to deservedly win the match by 160 runs and take the series 2-1.  NZ didn’t win because of all the disruption going on in the England camp, they won because they played better, more disciplined cricket.

So no more Stokes in test cricket, a shock as well as a disappointment, I hoped we see him play for a couple more years yet and I wonder if there’s more to it than meets the eye.  Apart from a few great bowling spells and some blinding catches I can remember four innings that left me open mouthed and one of them may have been the best ever.  For me his captaincy tailed off towards the end but at his best he was as good as any I’ve seen.

 

So where does that leave us? Right back where we were at the start of the BB era, up shit creek without a paddle and with a large hole in the boat.  When you look at the players we have along with others who have retired in the last four years, led by an excellent captain, we could have dominated Test cricket.  What has become apparent is the team has been under prepared, at times one dimensional and often badly selected, no wonder we’ve under performed. 

What next?  We have an unproven team with potential but no obvious leader, other than Root who is poor tactically.  Yes exactly where we were four years ago, the Kiwi has to go along with Key.  New coach?  I’d go for Alec Stewart ta very much.

We’ve got a load of white ball stuff coming up next along with the bastard hundred, the next test is against Pakistan in August, somebody needs to do a lot of thinking before then.  Apart from the obvious (I’d still balance the side with Rehan Ahmed) I can’t see the line up changing much.  The bowlers are largely blameless for these latest debacles and Ollie Robinson is one of the summers plus points.  Emilio Gay came in to the side in good form and did okay.  Jacob Bethell was in no form at all and struggled until the third test.  If England are serious about him as a test player he needs to play first class cricket ahead of a franchise payday.  If Bethell himself is serious about test cricket he should choose to do so.

That just leaves the captaincy.  Put the names below onto a dartboard and chuck a dart blindfolded.

XII for Pakistan
Gay, Duckett, Bethell, Root, Brook, Smith, Ahmed, Atkinson, Robinson, Archer, Tongue, Bashir

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