Ashes Humble Pie

A couple of years ago I was calling England the best team in the world and for a while they played as if they could be.  I should have known it couldn’t last, the history of the game tells us this but I went along with it because I’m a fan and I want to believe.  Now three days into the second Ashes Test match, what should have been obvious is suddenly blindingly so and in that light my foolishness can’t hide.  To be fair to myself I’ve been critical too in the recent past; I think Stokes is an excellent on field captain so in my mind the problem has to be the (other) Kiwi. Even so, had I made a prediction before this series I’d have gone for an England win but right now I’m thinking we’ll probably be 2-0 down by this time tomorrow.  I can tell myself the win may still be possible, we almost pulled it off before but I remind myself we should have won that series comfortably.  At this moment I’m not even sure I want England to come back, because that would mean Bazbollocks would be vindicated.  It’s like having too much booze, great fun right up until the point when the very thought of it makes you want to puke.  The anger comes from frustration, this time around England are/were very capable of beating Australia and this chance is being thrown away.  The truth is Bazbollocks has made us all look stupid, fans and team and I hope the coach feels this too.

The more I think about it the more England’s bizarre decision making becomes obvious to see.  Starting with the strange ‘out of nowhere’ selections, some like Bashir have worked to an extent but I still don’t rate him as highly as Leach.  Like Crawley, Bashir has been selected because the brains trust think he’s the right type of bowler for pitches down under, now we’re there he hasn’t played and Jacks was selected ahead of him because the batsmen keep fucking up.  Then there’s the Bethell situation which began about a year ago.  We’ve had a young, talented but unproven batsmen waiting in the wings, not playing cricket but putting pressure on another player just by being there.  Now he doesn’t look like being picked and he’s wasted a year of learning through playing.  The under pressure Pope just about clings to his spot and is rewarded by having the vice captaincy taken away and given to Brook.  Yes Harry has obvious talent but I’m starting to suspect this outstrips his intelligence.  Jamie Smith’s form started to slide in the second half of the India series but now his descent looks to be accelerating with both bat and crucially, gloves.  At the moment I can’t see him getting a run down under and if he keeps dropping catches the only player who can take the gloves is Pope.  Having Bethell bat at three suddenly seems a ridiculous idea and it’s hard to see how it ever looked like a good one.  Back to the bowlers, Josh Tongue looked a player this summer but for the end of that series and the beginning of this he’s been left out, meanwhile the more Carse bowls in Tests the more average he looks.  We shouldn’t forget that virtually the first move of the Bazbollocks Ashes strategy was to send England’s greatest bowler off into retirement.  How did we not recognise how disgraceful this was at the time?

Listen to me, the second test isn’t even done yet and here I am reacting like we’ve lost 5-0!  When I criticise an England player I want them to prove me wrong, I want them to make me eat my words!  Stokes and Jacks could defend and accumulate just like West Indies managed to do in New Zealand.  We might manage to set some kind of target and if we bowl well…  I’ve been here too many times before.  My final slice of humble pie concerns the Saffers who reacted in the right way to my slagging after the WTC by winning away in India and proving me wrong again.  I hope England get the message.