The not very beautiful game

I fell out of love with football a long time ago.  This was partly due to the fall from grace of my team Ipswich Town, after years of glory.  However it is mostly due to the way the game has changed.  In the seventies when the Town were riding high under Bobby Robson the game was played by men.  Defenders were big, intimidating, hard men like Tommy Smith, Ron “Chopper” Harris and at the Town we had “Big Al” Hunter.  To play against these men, forwards had to be tough too, in those days footballers didn’t like to show pain and we kids having a kickabout in the park wouldn’t show pain either.  Nowadays we see the likes of Ronaldo writhing around in apparent agony if someone so much as steps on his shadow.

Although I always follow the Town’s results through the season I no longer feel the pain of defeat nor does it bother me if their East Anglian rivals do well.  However until fairly recently I have found myself passionately involved when the England team plays.  For my whole life, whenever England played in a major tournament I had an unshakeable belief that they would find a way to win.  This belief would not diminish until they were finally eliminated from whichever tournament they were playing in.  In 1990, 1996 and to some extent 1998 our exits were heroic, we retained a sense of pride in our team.  Since then we’ve gone out with a whimper. The 2010 World cup was the turning point, the standard of play was pathetic and our exit was an embarrassing thrashing by the Germans of all teams.  This was a low point in English football and one from which we’ve never recovered.

Euro 2012 has seen an improvement.  England played reasonably well in the group games and qualified as group winners.  For 45 minutes we held our own against a decent Italian team but then we ran out of gas.  The second half and all of extra time saw a piss poor performance which was excruciating to watch and the Italians deserved their penalty win.  Nowhere near as embarrassing as 2010 but we were out all the same.

What I don’t understand is how we can have such a competitive domestic league yet be so mediocre on the international stage?  Apparently all four teams that have reached the semi finals have a mid winter break in their seasons, does the English team just run out of gas?  Is the FA interested in the performance of the national team or is this of secondary importance behind making millions of pounds with the premier league?  After our atrocious showing in the 2006 Ashes the ECB commissioned an inquiry, now we have the best cricket team in the world.  Will the FA hold a similar inquest?

Finally, although I’m no longer a great football fan these days, I have watched a lot of matches over the last forty years.  Bobby Moore, Bobby Charlton, Kevin Keegan, Trevor Brooking, Kevin Beatie (who remembers him?), Peter Shilton, Gary Lineker, Brian Robson, Paul Gascoigne, Alan Shearer and David Beckham were all great players.  Wayne Rooney is nothing like a great player, not even close.  If that scouse fucktard is the best we’ve got then we’re screwed.

“Skagboys” by Irvine Welsh

I have to come clean, I am an Irvine Welsh fan.  I have read everything he’s had published and loved almost all of it.  His debut novel “Trainspotting” changed my life and everytime I read his work it makes me want to be a writer.

If you have read Irvine Welsh you might want to skip this paragraph but if you are unfamiliar with his work then here’s a few brief outlines.  Welsh is an ex junkie from Edinburgh and a lot of his work deals with things he himself has lived through.  You sense there are elements of the man himself in certain characters.  IW has created a world and many of his characters cross from one story to another if only in cameo.  The first thing you will notice about his language, dialogue in particular is written in a local dialect.  The first time reader will have to hear the words/ accent in their own mind, to help understand it on the page.  Once you become familiar it becomes second nature.  This style of writing dialogue is brilliant as the regular reader will recognise individual characters, without introduction, from the way they speak.  This adds so much depth to the character and really helps the reader to understand them.

“Skagboys” is a prequel to “Trainspotting” and basically charts the fall from society of the characters we have grown to love/loathe in previous novels.  To quote from the book’s cover;

“Skagboys charts their journey from likely lads to young men addicted to heroin which has flooded their disintegrating community……this is an exhilarating and moving book, full of the scabrous humour, salty vernacular and appalling behaviour that has made Irvine Welsh a household name.”

I was a little sceptical when I began reading, knowing these characters futures means I know there will be grim tales to follow and this is most certainly the case!  In places it is very dark with vile characters behaving in despicable ways and loveable characters coming apart at the seams.  It’s sad but lightened at all times by the humour throughout.  At times I literally laughed out loud, giggling in a caravan on a foreign holiday, trying desperately not to wake the kids.  By the end the characters have become those we know from “ Trainspotting” and “Porno”.  The ending is comical chaos but falls short of the euphoria of other novels but we knew that had to be the case.

Welsh has been accused of “glamorising heroin addiction”  but anyone who has read the vivid descriptions of a skag boy’s existence will be put off for life.  For this and his brilliant use of dialogue he should be on the school’s curriculum.

Skagboys is a great book, Irvine Welsh is in top form and it takes its place alongside the others in this series.  Hopefully one day Renton, Spud, Begbie & Sick boy will ride again for another scam.

3rd test & stuff

Saturday

We should be at the end of the fourth day of the third test match but due to the shite weather we’ve only had two days play.  God we were lucky at Trent Bridge last week!   England won the toss and put the Windies in to bat, Jimmy & Broad both being rested with Onions and Finn taking their places.  For WI Shiv (best batsman) and Roach (best bowler) are injured and there are many changes.  It’s a competitive day but it ends with WI 280-8, honours just about even?

Sunday should have been all England and when inn removed Rampaul with the third ball of the day that was the way it looked.  Enter Tino best for his first test in about three years and mayhem.  Ramdin inched his way from an overnight 60 odd to his second test hundred but best stole the show with a world record 95, the best ever score by a test no.11.  All crash bang wallop it was too, a great, fighting knock from a great entertainer.

England batted and managed to get in a bit of a mess at 49-3 but KP & Bell both scored fluent half centuries to leave England at 221-4 at the close.  Then there was no play on the final day, no result in this match but after two full days cricket, WI were ahead on points but neither side ever looked likely to win. 

My pre series predictions have been pretty accurate all round, he says smugly.  West Indies performed better than I expected but England were under par.  They will have to improve if they want to beat South Africa later this summer.

As mentioned elsewhere, I’ve just returned from a week on the continent and once again I’ve found myself embarrassed by the behaviour of my fellow Brits abroad.  The kids missed a couple of days school so for the first few days of our week there were very few English families around.  However the Brits arrived at the weekend when the schools closed for a week and the noise level ramped up immediately.  The jubilee weekend giving the exiles the excuse to stay up late drinking heavily and singing badly.

A good example of the mentality I‘m talking about reared itself one morning.  I overheard a skinny, shaven headed little man tell his children, “they’re not as good as us, they’re foreign…”.  I held his gaze, him not knowing if I was Dutch, English, German or whatever, he looked away.  I didn’t say anything but was thinking “Not as good as you?  Must be a fucking cockroach…”

 By now it will come as no surprise to find that I rarely feel the urge to befriend my fellow Brits when I go away.  Yes I’m an anti-social git but many of the people I meet are an embarrassment.  Shaven head, tattoos beer gut with a football shirt stretched over it, worn as a challenge.  Tribalised by the media representation of bloody football.  The Brits think that Britannia still rules the waves, we own the world and have no need to bestow our manners on the stupid foreigners.  Yes it’s a cliché but yes its bloody true!!  The blokes aren’t much better either.  This is no snap judgement, it’s something I’ve observed in the last decade or so, probably since I became a parent.

I haven’t always had this attitude, there was a time when I travelled the world as a proud Brit and probably acted just like the people I’m slagging.  In fact a Scottish friend, Lyall (where the fuck are you now dude?), once described me as “the most English, Englishman he’d ever met”.  Although I knew even then he wasn’t being entirely complementary I was far from offended.

 

But what really have we got to be proud of?  I certainly have pride in the bravery of my grandparent’s and great grandparent’s generations but don’t use it as a reason or excuse to hate Germans.  A football win nearly 50 years ago is irrelevant now but a couple of heroic failures made me proud.  Cricket, now that’s a slightly different matter!

As ever I’ve got loads of books on the go.  Recently I finished “Mad, bad & dangerous to know” the autobiography of the explorer Sir Ranulph Fienes.  I wasn’t sure what to expect but thoroughly enjoyed it.  Sir Ran’s descriptions of the extreme expeditions he’s attempted are vividly written and easily took me away to the coldest and highest places on earth.  He paints the pictures far better than very many authors who write for a living.  Liked it a lot and the title sums the man up nicely!

A day at the test

The day started with an ungodly alarm clock call at 0645.  Tea and toast then on a short drive to rendezvous with the rest of the family.  There were ten of us travelling to Nottingham in two cars.  An easy journey in the early morning sunshine but we were all impatient to get there.  The last few miles into the city are a drag but eventually we cross the Trent and Park the car.  A little after two hours after leaving home we’re climbing out of the cars.

This trip has been arranged a long time, in fact the tickets were my Christmas presents to my Mum & Dad plus my sister and her family.  Most of us have been to test matches before but amongst our number are four test match virgins.  The match is well poised, the weather forecast is perfect and we have a full day of play ahead of us.

We make the short walk back across the bridge and soon make it to the ground.  As usual the queues move quickly as the stewards are efficient and friendly.  We soon take our seats in the front row of the new stand and discuss the day ahead.  Surely Strauss will make a double century and Pietersen will smash them all over the park?

Play begins on time.  KP hits the first boundary of the day but we’re all gutted when he’s out for 80, LBW to Rampaul shortly afterwards.  Bell comes in and makes the game look easy but when Roach takes the new ball it’s a different matter.  Bell is out quickly and Bairstow comes to the wicket.  To be frank the youngster is out of his depth and Roach makes mincemeat out of him.  If he’s to have a test career he needs to learn to play the short ball.  Prior is in next, he always makes runs when we’re at the ground…except today.  At lunch England are 340-6 and still trailing.  We’ve had a baking sun on us all morning and we’re starting to feel the effects of it but thankfully the roof of the stand will shield us soon.

The afternoon follows on in the same vein.  Runs are difficult to come by, the pitch seems two paced and the West Indies are bowling well.  Strauss departs for 141 to a wide delivery from Sammy.  This brings Bresnan and Broad together and they manage the most fluent partnership of the day, reaching 50 between them in less than 15 overs before Broad is out sweeping Shillingford.  The end of the England innings is a farcical affair as Samuels takes the last two wickets in strange circumstances using the DRS.  England are all out for 428, a handy lead of 58 runs.  Not what we expected however!  We all hoped to see England cruise past 500 then set WI a tricky half hour spell to survive.  Instead they have a full session to get stuck into the batting after bowling themselves back into the game.  

 Anderson and Broad open the bowling straight after tea and straight away Jimmy is in the groove bowling Barath and trapping Powell LBW.  Broad bowls poorly, giving WI a four ball in every over but it’s one of these that gets the next wicket as Chanderpaul top edges him straight down Trott’s throat at DBSL.  The talented Bravo offers resistence but is eventually out for 22, LBW to Bresnan.  For atmosphere it’s by far the best session of the day as the crowd roars on the England bowlers and it’s carnage out in the middle.  Amongst it all Trott makes friends by signing autographs for children at the boundary edge, including a delighted Isaac!  Bresnan accounts for Ramdin and the hapless Edwards and only Marlon Samuels offers any resistance.  At stumps the score is 61-6 and WI are out on their feet.  England’s bowlers have seized the initiative and there will only be one winner now.

 My family and I have all had a great day.  The test match virgins have thoroughly enjoyed the experience and are determined to do it all again one day soon.  The journey home is long and tiring and kind of sad after a great day at the cricket.  It’s about ten o’clock by the time we get home, a fantastic fifteen hour day comes to an end.

28/05/12

Marlon Samuels leads the West Indies rear-guard but even his unbeaten 76 will not halt theinevitable.  West Indies are all out for 165 with Anderson and Bresnan taking four wickets each.   I catch a bit of TMS on the radio at break times…it would be great to be back at the ground again… England cruise to victory just after tea on the fourth day.  Strauss made 45, Cook was unbeaten on 43 and Trott finished on 17.  England record an emphatic nine wicket win and their seventh consecutive home series win. 

The last team to beat England here was South Africa, who happen to be our next guests later this summer.  I can’t help feeling that we have to improve if we are going to win a three match series against the saffers.  I’ve said it many times before but I’d love to see England bat Prior at 6 and play five bowlers.  Steve Finn is simply too good to leave standing on the sidelines! 

Second Test

26/05/12

We’re two days into the second test against West Indies at Trent Bridge and for the first time this year we actually have some hot summer weather!  By the end the first day was edged by WI.  England had reduced the tourists to 136-6 in the afternoon but Samuels reached his third test century and Sammy passed fifty and by close of play WI were 304-6.

Day two saw Sammy notch up his first test century as he and Samuels took their partnership up to 204 before both departed in quick succession.  England, or more accurately Bresnan, soon wrapped up the tail and WI were all out for 370.  A decent score but not a match winning one.  

From that point on, England dominated the day but if Kemar Roach had been able to run in and not ‘no ball’ things could have been different as twice Cook was reprieved by no balls.  Cook eventually made 24 and Trott 35, both wickets falling to Rampaul.  This left Strauss still there and brought Pietersen to the wicket.  These made an unbroken partnership of 126 as the skipper made his second ton of the series and KP was looking threatening on 72.  These two were not out at close of play which leaves England in a superb position to press on and score big runs on day three.  This is great news as I WILL BE THERE!!!!!!  Along with another nine members of my family.  Looking forward to it, England are well set, the weather forecast is perfect, it should be a great day!!

The First Test

22^nd May

  In the end England cruised to a comfortable 5 wicket win but they certainly didn’t have it all their own way.  After dominating the second day England were restricted to 398 on the third as the West Indies began their fight back.  Bell didn’t get his ton but was last man out for 61.  England’s bowlers had WI 64-4 and it seemed like it would be all over quickly but for a second time Chanderpaul and Samuels dug in and their partnership went long into the fourth day, It only ended after lunch with the partnership almost 160 when Samuels was out for 86.  Chanderpaul made 91, with help from Ramdin and Sammy WI made 345 leaving England 191 to win with a tricky session to bat before the fourth day ended.  The score was 10-2 at the close and England would have felt lucky!  Nice to spend the evening fishing with TMS on the radio, perfect!  West Indies dominated day four as much as England had the second day.  Game on!

When England were reduced to 57-4, I was nervous, it was still very much game on at that point but Cook combined with Bell for a partnership of 132 to take the game away.  England won as expected but the West Indies showed much more spirit than they had at any time on their previous tour in 2009.

The next match starts on Friday.  I would expect England will remain unchanged, barring injuries but West Indies must make changes.  Gabriel, who looked good on debut has flown home injured and he’ll probably be replaced by Ravi Rampaul who should bowl well in English conditions.  Will they change the batting line up?  They probably need to but it does seem unfair on any of the younger players should they miss out.

Plusses and minuses?  For England Strauss, Cook and Bell weighed in with runs.  Bairstow looked comfortable on debut.  The bowlers are pure class, Broad the pick with career best figures and 11 in the match.  KP had a quiet game.  West Indies will take heart from Roach’s bowling and runs from Samuels, Barath and Bravo.  Chanderpaul was his usual brilliant self but he can’t always carry the team.  On the negative side, Fidel Edwards lacked rhythm and the youngsters Powel & Edwards contributed only l4 runs between them.

The next match is at Trent Bridge where Anderson has had much success in recent years.  It’s hard to see any other result than an England win, will the West Indies be able to take the match into the fifth day again?

Day two

18/05/12

The day went almost exactly to plan for England.  Broad only needed one ball to get rid of Gabriel and finished with 7-72.  Now all we need is for the captain to bat all day, which he did, finishing not out on 121.  Form is temporary, class is permanent.  All the other batsmen chipped in with a few leaving England 16 ahead with seven wickets left.  A ton from Bell would go down nicely now and England will hope to make a massive total and only bat once in the game.  I have a feeling they will.