In already surreal times what a weird few days we’ve had. On Friday the country celebrated the 75th anniversary of the defeat of fascism. There was an irony in this situation. We are being led by far right governments, fascism has been rebranded as ‘Neo-Liberal’ and our ‘greatest generation’ is sitting wide eyed in care homes, waiting for an invisible enemy but this irony was lost. The people who lived through the war should be applauded and celebrated but generally they are forgotten, just wheeled out and displayed at times like this.
Then came the much anticipated speech. Apparently 26 million people watched BoJo the Clown on Sunday, waving his arms about, spitting and waffling and saying… What exactly? Yesterday we had smart arses on social media saying “Well I understand…” Implying you must be an idiot if you don’t. Well wake up, most Brits are fucking idiots! How many people have to die before these indoctrinated Tory lap dogs recognise the government has made a gigantic fuck up? If the clown was lining people up and shooting them they’d say “well he’s relieving the burden on the NHS…”
Monday’s Telegraph quoted BoJo the Clown saying we need to “Use good solid British common sense…” Jesus fucking bog flushing Christ! If ever there was a recipe for disaster it’s relying on Brits to use their common sense. The fucking British were holding fucking street parties on Friday! Two months ago they were panic buying bog roll! Not frozen meals or tinned food, fucking bog roll!!
“Well I understand…” They say. Do you? Here have a fucking medal. Ignore the fact that there is no clarity, unlike the previous message; “Stay at home…” which was simple, obvious and virtually idiot proof. What the fuck does “Stay alert…” mean? Look out for a visible microscopic thing? It might be lurking in the bushes somewhere ready to strike. But I won’t know because I can’t fucking see it! How the fuck am I supposed to stay alert? Alert for what? People coughing in the street? The walking dead? Piles of bodies? Alert for people breaking the rules so I can pick up the phone and contact the thought police? Actually Friday might have been the time for that…
“Control the virus…” What? How the fuck can I do that? Actually I thought that is what I was doing by staying at home? Now I’m being told to go to work, surely I can’t do both? Control the virus! Most Brit’s can’t even control their fucking dogs! I’m having a good day if I can control my fucking bladder!
At least the “Save Lives” part is unchanged, this part is pretty clear. At least it is until you put it after “Stay alert, Control the virus”. Somebody somewhere got paid to come up with this bollocks, presumably someone working from home who was halfway through a bottle of cheap gin.
It’s been almost forgotten amongst the ensuing confusion but early on in the clown’s performance he uttered something along the lines of thirty thousand deaths being “apparent success…” What the fuck? Is this the first time in history that ‘thirty thousand deaths’ and ‘success’ have been used in the same sentence? The question almost asks itself, how many have to die…?
Anyway congratulations to the one eyed Tories on being able to understand a message which has already been contradicted. On Sunday it was, “Go to work tomorrow…” Then Monday, Adolf Raab says “No he meant Wednesday…” Well if I’d have gone to work Monday it would have been too fucking late! This was a pre-recorded speech for fuck sake! How can a man with the most expensive education there is, fuck up a message in a pre-recorded speech? You couldn’t make this shit up!
If you can’t work from home then you should go to work. OK… So if you are desk bound with limited contact to other people in your work place you’ll be staying at home but if you do a job which involves contact with the public you should go to work… Fucking genius!
Public transport will be running but don’t use it unless you really have to. We don’t want loads of people crowded onto a bus or a train do we? What about the fucking driver? Yes its better all round if there are lots of empty buses trundling up and down the streets, that will make sense.
So as I understand it I can’t spend time with family members who I know and trust from one or two other households but I could be asked to go to work with people from four or five other households that I can’t necessarily trust to have been doing the right things over the last few weeks. While I’m working I could be in interacting with people who could have come from literally anywhere and done anything. Yes I understand alright, I’m part of the fucking herd.
Just as the government ignored the warnings from Italy and Spain and did fuck all to prevent all this carnage they are also ignoring the warnings from Germany and South Korea which have seen sudden rises in infection rates since relaxing their restrictions.
The rest of the world is looking at the UK and US, shaking their heads and wondering “what the hell are they up to?” While we Anglo Saxons with our inherited arrogance strut around puffing out our patriotic chests and prepare to saddle up and ride into the valley of death. We don’t care what those bloody Europeans think do we? Our mates across the Atlantic know what they are doing! With Trump and BoJo we’ll be alright!? No, we couldn’t possibly have two more unsuitable “leaders” at a time like this, in any other era they would have been declared unfit for office. We are all fucked.
Cheerful fucker ain’t I?