Oh Jimmy Jimmy!

Whatever happens on Sunday evening (and I sincerely wish for an England win) this time tomorrow the country will be swamped under a freak tide of football mania so before that a hurried and highly self indulgent appreciation of one of this country’s greatest ever sportsmen.

It had to end sometime and although there is sense to the management’s thinking it’s a shame Jimmy wasn’t able to chose precisely when.  188 test matches over 21 years and I’ve followed every single one of them in some way.  The records and landmarks came and went, the acclaim – “England’s greatest pace bowler” was awarded long before the end.  Add to that, the greatest swing bowler cricket has ever seen, there will be few dissenters.  Apart from following on TMS or TV I have been at the grounds to watch nine of Jimmy’s test matches and was lucky enough to watch Jimmy bowl on eight occasions.  On these occasions I travelled sometimes with friends, sometimes with family and often with both.

Against West Indies at Edgbaston in 2004, England had dominated the game with Hundreds from Trescothick and Flintoff in the first innings and a second ton from Tres in the second.  This West Indies team contained the likes of Lara, Gayle, and Chanderpaul so were no push overs.  Sarwan hit a hundred but still England were miles ahead.  When we arrived for the fourth day England were going for quick runs to set a target, Thorpe scored fifty odd and we saw Jimmy get one of his record number of “not outs”.  England bowled, Hoggard opened things up and Giles went through the middle order.  Gayle made 88 before falling to Giles and a baby faced Jimmy came on to take the last two wickets of Lawson and Collymore, both clean bowled and we celebrated an England win.  This was virtually the same England squad that kept improving and beat Australia a year later in the best series ever seen.

At Trent Bridge in 2007 Anderson was in the period of his career where he hadn’t yet stepped up a gear and made his place in the side secure, (the previous year England had selected Plunkett and Lewis ahead of him).  This match England were bowled out for 198 and a reply of 481 saw India well on top.  On the fourth day we were treated to an England fight back with 126 from Vaughan and fifties for Strauss and Collingwood.  Jimmy made 1, bowled by the great Anil Kumble and he didn’t take a wicket on this occasion.  India went on to win the match by seven wickets and take the series.

At the same ground a year later England thrashed New Zealand. Pietersen scored a ton on the first day to set a score of 364 and when New Zealand went in Jimmy took career best figures of 7-43 to make the Kiwis follow on.  They done a little better on second innings but at times it looked like the game could be all over on day three.  At the beginning of the fourth day New Zealand needed 65 to make England bat again but they didn’t get there, it was all over by lunch.  Ryan Sidebottom ripped through to finish with 6 wickets.  Jimmy took the last wicket to fall having Chris Martin caught at slip by Collingwood and England had won by an innings.

Later in the summer we went to Edgbaston to see England face a much tougher South African team.  England batted first and made a sub-par 231, South Africa replied with 314 so things could have been worse.  In the second innings a brilliant ton from Collingwood had England back in the game with a chance of edging ahead.  On the fourth day Colly was batting with the tail and managed to add another 60 odd to stretch the lead, he was last man out for 135, Jimmy was bowled by Kallis for one.  South Africa needed 280+ to win and for a long time it looked like they’d never get there, Anderson had Ashwell Prince caught at the wicket and the Saffers were 93/4.  De Villiers scored a few as did Boucher but Graham Smith was brilliant, finishing not out on 154 as South Africa won by 5 wickets.  (But there is a caveat, DRS would have revealed Smith was out to Panesar who bowled well).

We returned to Trent Bridge in 2010 to watch an England team that was settled under Strauss’ captaincy and was getting better and better.  Pakistan are always dangerous opponents though, although this team actually went home in disgrace in the end.  England scored 354 with Eoin Morgan of all people scoring 130.  When Pakistan replied they were all out for 182 with Anderson taking 5-54 and was by now recognisable as the bowler we came to admire.  On the fourth day England were extending their lead but became a bit bogged down, Matt Prior got things moving with 102 setting a target of well over 400.  Jimmy scored 2!  Then Pakistan’s second innings, wow!  Broad started things rolling with two quick wickets then Anderson had Imran Farhat caught by Strauss at first slip and the day ended at 15/3.  On the following day the crowd saw a Jimmy Anderson masterclass, he was just unplayable, finishing with figures of 15-8-17-6, all the wickets either LBW or caught in the slips – inswing or outswing, brilliant!  His match figures of 11/71 remain his career best.

In 2011 we saw the third day of England vs India at Trent Bridge. On this occasion we batted all day with 159 from Ian Bell along with half centuries from Pietersen and Morgan saw us over turn a first innings deficit. Jimmy didn’t get on the field that day but took five wickets in a match England ending up winning comfortably.  At the end of this series England were crowned the official number one team in the world.

Trent Bridge again in 2012 for a spring test match against the West indies who batted first and racked up a decent score of 370 with Samuals and Sammy both getting hundreds.  England were officially the best team in the world and responded well with a score of built around 142 from Strass who was still going when the entire Hastings family, three generations, arrived on the third morning.  England had a strong line up in those days and everyone chipped in with a few runs, except Bairstow who was worked over by Kemar Roach and Jimmy who was out for a duck but crucially we had a first innings lead.  When West indies went out again Jimmy opened the bowling and took the first two wickets; Barath LBW and Powell bowled to reduce them to 14/2 from which they never recovered.  When we left at the end of the day West Indies were 61/6 and were eventually all out for 165 with Anderson taking four.  England knocked off the required runs to win by nine wickets.

Later in the year we travelled down to the Oval to see the formidable South Africans again.  England had made 385 and in reply the Saffers were 86/1 at the beginning of the third day, Jimmy had taken the only wicket to fall.  On this occasion we got to watch Anderson bowl all day but it was a painful experience as Smith did us again with 131, then Amla and Kallis both got amongst the runs finishing the day unbeaten and going on to make big hundreds.  When South Africa declared on 637/2 Kallis was 182 not out and Amla had 311.  Suffice to say South Africa won by an innings and by the end of the series had replaced England as world number one. 

We returned to the Oval in 2013 for the ultimate, the first day of an Ashes test match!  This was the final test of a series we were leading 3-0 so there was no tension and we were confident of watching England roll the Aussies one more time.  It didn’t work out like that though as the day finished with Australia 316/4; Shane Watson of all people scored 176 and Steve Smith made 60 odd and completed his maiden test century the following day.  However we did see four wickets and the two from Jimmy couldn’t have been sweeter, David Warner caught at the wicket by Prior for 6 and Michael Clarke bowled through the gate for 7.  The game finished in a high scoring draw, Clarke set a target and England went for it and were on course before running out of time.

There have been hundreds of times when James Anderson had me out of my chair and punching the air but for nine of Jimmy’s 188 test matches I was at the ground and I saw him score 12 of his 1353 runs, take 1 of his 107 catches and 9 of his 704 wickets.  I’ve been lucky enough to see a dozen or more genuinely great English cricketers in the flesh but Jimmy Anderson may be the greatest of all.

Don't vote, it only encourages them.

Six weeks now the Tory government will be finished and if the real history is recorded (but is it ever?) then this bunch of bastards will be renowned and remembered for their arrogance, recklessness, ineptitude, corruption, hypocrisy and utter dishonesty.  These people have allowed our rivers to be pumped full of shit and our taxes syphoned into their friends bank accounts.  Now the rats are literally leaving the sinking ship, ‘retiring’ in large numbers and heading back to the shelter of their pimps where they hope to live in luxury even though many of them should be heading for trial and prison.  Gove, Hancock, Dorries stand accused but their are bigger bastards hanging on and if the Tories think little Rishi is the problem then it can only mean they refuse to look in the mirror.

Any joy the Tory demise should bring is dampened by knowing the likely replacement is Keir fucking Starmer who welcomes ex Tory cowards like Poulter and Elphicke but bars true socialists like Corbyn and Abbott.  That’s all you need to know.  Starmer is owned by the Establishment just like the Tory criminals he will replace.  He will do precisely fuck all to improve the lives of ‘The Many’ and will be slaughtered by the media as they pave the way for Tories to slither back in a few years time.  As much as it hurts to say it, in the long run we’d almost be better off if the cunt loses.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."  A quote attributed to Albert Einstein although this is disputed.  But whoever made this statement it’s what we all do every few years when Election time comes around again.  We pick the bastards in blue or the wankers in red then squabble amongst ourselves as if we’re backing football teams.  Whoever wins, nothing fucking changes.  And that’s the whole point, divide and conquer, it’s what politics does.  While we all argue amongst ourselves the inbred mutant class remains in control.

So why do we do it?  Because the media basically dismisses the other parties as comedy weirdos implying there are only two sensible choices and the herd blindly goes along with it?  Fuck that!  Vote for the Libs, vote Green, vote SNP, vote for the nutter with a bucket on his head and yes vote for Reform if you have a penchant for the goose step.  Just don’t vote red or blue.

The meaning of "Choice"?

When I was a kid electricity, gas and water aka ‘utilities’, were owned by the state, paid for by ‘rates’ which was tax by another name, either way the people paid.  These rates paid not only for the cost of the utility and its supply but also for the infrastructure that provided it.  Then it was all privatised to give us “choice.”

Now we have a situation where these utilities are run for profit and one of these PLC’s, Thames Water, has reached the situation where their practices are so shoddy they regularly dump sewage into our rivers, this comes after decades of shareholders taking their premium and putting nothing back into the business.  To put this right will need investment which the owners/shareholders refuse to fund unless prices rise by 40%, so Thames Water want the public to pay to clean up their shit while the shareholders maintain their wealth.  I think I need someone to explain this “choice” to me again.

I heard about this today on BBC radio news and found myself deeply uncomfortable because I actually agreed with a Michael Gove soundbite in which he attacked Thames Water.  I expect he’ll have forgotten this opinion once the election is over, whichever way it goes.  And on that subject, either way it’ll just be the same old shit.

Hypocrisy

I have no love for the Windsors but I can’t help feeling sorry for the P.O.W. who was bullied by the media into revealing personal details about herself.  In the aftermath the same media then elevated her to sainthood, a haunting example of history repeating itself.

In London at the weekend thousands of people marched for Palestine though this was barely reported, then the noble US of A didn’t veto the UN calling for ceasefire.  As genocide continues Oceania can’t look away any longer even if “our” sympathies are encouraged to look further north.

Terrorism in Moscow and Putin points the finger at Islamic Fundamentalists while simultaneously pointing another towards Kiev.  We are encouraged to mock and forget that twenty years ago our own governments pointed a second finger towards Baghdad.

But none of this can be very important because a fucking boat crashed…

This is Democracy ?

This week in Russia Putin is standing for re-election as a demonstration of Russian democracy although the BBC was quick to point out all of his major rivals are in prison or dead.  Meanwhile suicidally brave Russian citizens are being arrested for acts of vandalism at polling stations.  None of this should come as much surprise because its what we’ve been told to believe about Russia for most of our lives.

On the other side of the world in the land of the free, their upcoming election will be contested between two men who you’d barely trust to drive down the dual carriageway and it’s becoming harder to ignore the fact that Trump is likely to get the top again.  But what Trump probably wants us to ignore is that he’s currently on trial for, wait for it, “election interference”.

And in our own thriving democracy the Tory party thinks it is okay to accept donations from someone called Frank Hester who in turn thinks it is okay to make foul racist statements about Diane Abbott.  When this subject came up in parliament Abbott herself was not allowed to ask a question despite standing over forty times.

This is democracy?

All over in India

The last test of the series would have been predictable in other recent visits to India, the home team winning by an innings in the end with only Crawley, root and Bashir coming out with much credit.  But before the match started I was hopeful of BB England closing the gap in the series.  Well in the end England did lose the series 4-1 but even this eternal optimist can no longer claim we are the best Test team in the world.  To be fair we didn’t do any worse than any of the other teams that visit India and we probably worried them more than most, to go down by this margin isn’t a disgrace.  But when it counted Stokes’ England were not clinical enough and amongst all the brilliant BB cricket this problem has reared up often over the last twelve months.  When England (or anyone) last won in India our spinners; Swann and Panesar, were better than the home team’s and we had a batting line up full of proven test class players.  This time around our inexperienced spinners done really bloody well but were not as good as Ashwin and Jadeja, not that we could reasonably expect them to be.  Also the Indian batsmen scored seven centuries to England’s three, and for once Stokes had a poor series, enough said.

For the first year of the Stokes/McCullum tenure England consistently fielded the best possible XI but from the start of the 2023 English summer this has not been the case.  We’ve got to wait until July for another England test match by which time we have to expect Harry Brook will be back in contention which means realistically either Foakes or Bairstow will have to make way.  Obviously coming from the Wicky’s union I would pick Foakes every time because he keeps with the effortless excellence we would normally associate with batsmen like Gower or Lara.  Fair play to mad Johnny for reaching 100 caps but compare him to all of the other sixteen Englishmen to have reached this milestone and he isn’t in the same class.  Maybe the selectors will decide to take a punt on a new face entirely which might be the best course of action.

With the retirement of the great Stuart Broad and the great Jimmy Anderson surely winding down, (despite looking fresh in taking his 700^th test wicket this week) there are opportunities in the pace bowling line up.  Chris Woakes will surely be in the mix this summer as will Mark Wood but these two are in their mid thirties so in the final stages of their careers?  For a while Ollie Robinson looked like he was going to be an automatic choice but his fitness appears suspect.  There are a few around the fringes like Potts and Tongue but what would we give to have Jofra Archer fit and in rhythm?  The biggest plus from the Indian tour however is the spin bowling options, all of a sudden we have a handful that can step up in test cricket.

Still on the subject of sport I watched some brilliant rugby this weekend, (obviously Union, not the headbutting competition practiced by convict colonies and northerners) in particular the England-Ireland match which meant the six nations will go down to the final weekend.  But although we call it the six nations I’m not sure this is entirely accurate.  Ireland’s two tries were scored by a New Zealander and in the Italy – Scotland match tries were scored by South Africans and an Australian.  I suppose this trend started in cricket and England have been as guilty as anyone but for some reason I think it devalues international rugby.

Tonight all the worlds’ media obsessed will be tuned into the Oscars beamed around the world from Hollywood.  For anyone who has been in isolation for their whole lives this is an award ceremony for people who are really good at playing ‘pretend’.  To complicate things further these famous pretenders pretend they like each other and everyone pretends the results aren’t fixed.  Or as we say round these parts, it’s a load of old bollocks.

Fourth Test

The fourth test was a belter.  Joe Root went back to playing his normal game and scored a great unbeaten ton, with crucial support from Foakes and Robinson.  Then the young spinners got stuck in and Bashir took his maiden Test five for.  After five sessions England were cruising, at this time I was listening to Talksport which was just rubbish. Whole overs went by while the “commentators” just waffled amongst themselves and failed to inform us what was going on in the middle.  At close of play the team of “experts” had totally written off any chance of an Indian win even though the beginnings of a fight back had already stared.  Day three was all India who not only fought back but found themselves favourites by the end of play.  On the fourth day England scrapped but India hung on to clinch the match and the series.

Another defeat for England but one which didn’t smart as much as the previous one because this was not a poor performance, it was just India were better.  The home team has an inexperienced batting line up but on these pitches they have the edge over England’s inexperienced spinners which is not to say Bashir and Hartley have bowled badly.  Picking these two and Ahmed has been an inspired choice and further endorsement for the Stokes / McCullum method.  England may lose this series 4-1 but we are still the best Test team in the world.