It's getting serious now. "The big day" is getting too close for comfort but not close enough to be actually enjoyable for even the most indoctrinated, enthusiastic, brain dead Xmas lover. By this time most sane people have had enough and just want all the bullshit to be over for another year.
Simply the best Xmas No. 1 ever. Smash the Establishment, smash the X factor monopoly, (NB In this equation X = shit) kick Simon Cowell in the bollocks. Come to think of it even Cowell's shit was better than the bilge spewed out by suspected paedo (allegedly) Cliff fucking Richard year after year.
"Burn down tinsel town..." But don't stop there. Burn down the tinsel, the tree, the baubels. Smash the sleigh, eat the reindeer and torch the fucking coke lorry while you're at it.
So you're wearing a Xmas jumper? How fucking hilarious, you quirky little individual. I've got news for you, it's shit and you look a twat. No need...
Why all the snow scenes? It never fucking snows at Xmas, ever. Snow is shit anyway, fun for a day then a total pain in the Khyber while it lingers around, clogging everything up, then it melts and becomes a fucking mess. Not all snow is bad however, one of the good varieties is...
While you're at it, all that money you're wasting on tat and shite that nobody really wants. Put the word 'Christmas' on something with a picture of a fucking robin, then double the price, fucking bandits. At least Dick Turpin wore a mask.
I don't feel the slightest bit spiritual at this time of year, any religious significance has been long forgotten. Should I feel the need to attend a ceremony I like the thought of this bloke presiding.
And to get into the spirit properly we all need to see a stylist for a suitable religious look! Come to think of it, loads of hipster shits are sporting it already. Scrub that, shave and get a crew cut.