A cynics guide to the General Election.

The Conservatives are led by the Eton educated twat David Cameron.  He is more interested in feathering the nests of his cronies in big business than looking after the normal British people.  Traditionally the party favoured by the well to do with their “I’m all right Jack” attitudes.  Think Thatcher, nothing more needs to be said.  Their record over the last four years (some sources say it is actually worse than the witch’s when it comes to an assault on the welfare state), should ensure they don’t get re-elected but sadly they probably will, due to the lack of any real alternative.

Labour was once the party of the working man but sold out to big business under the war mongering liar Tony Blair.  Nowadays led by Ed Milliband who is an unelectable moron and like the rest of the party seems to have an identity crisis.  I am a labour supporter by nature but haven’t allowed myself to vote for them since Blair said “Yes George, anything you say” and took us to war in Iraq.  Like many I hoped things really would get better when “New Labour” was elected in 1997.  Like many I felt betrayed within a few short years.  If only John Smith had lived, the best PM we never had?

The Liberal party (or whatever they are known as nowadays) haven’t had a chance of real power in my lifetime and have even less this time around thanks to their leader Nick Clegg selling out (like the gutless shit he is) after the last election.  I should identify with the libs but all I see nowadays is a bunch of limp wristed sell-outs hanging onto coattails in a desperate attempt to gain some kind of ‘power’.

All of these three so called main parties are basically the same thing only discernible by the different colour ties they wear.  90% of these parties MP’s are hypocritical liars with no principles and are mostly interested in furthering their own selfish interests.  They really don’t deserve our votes. ‘MP’ looks good on a CV when you want to move onto the board of a multinational after a career in politics.  It shows the candidate has experience in arse licking, lying and shafting the ‘consumer’.

UKIP are the new kids on the block (no relation to the terrible 90’s boy band), led by fag smoking, beer swilling Nigel Farage (which apparently doesn’t rhyme with garage).  This lot are playing to the racist fears of the ignorant but will tell us they aren’t really bigots.  One good thing about UKIP is they appeal to the kind of moron who might once have voted BNP and have been the final nail in the coffin of that vile bunch.  I expect them to do pretty well in this election but have no chance of gaining power and wouldn’t know what to do if they did.

As an aside, over the years I have worked with people of all nationalities; Australians, Antiguans, Bajans, Croatians, Greeks, Jamaicans, Americans, Trinidadians, Indians, Bangladeshis, Pakistanis, Serbs, Poles, Lithuanians, Estonians, Italians, Chileans, Nigerians, South Africans, Dutch, Germans, Iranians, Spaniards, and Turks to name those I can remember off the top of my head.  In my opinion the most miserable, laziest people of all have been we Brits with our “world owes me something” attitude.  While UKIP and others bang on about immigration, asylum seekers, benefit cheats etc. they deflect attention from the real issues like bankers ripping us off and getting away with it!!!

The SNP will be popular north of the border and good luck to them.  I kind of like having the Scots as our naughty neighbours and I hope they remain part of the UK because I think we will be stronger together.  In fact I’d say we should go the other way, drop our silly borders and all of us identify ourselves as British.  Oh yeah, Happy St. George’s day.  (That was irony if you didn’t recognise it).

Finally the Green party deserve a mention.  They have no chance of getting anywhere near power but I actually believe they are genuine in their beliefs.  They are led by a nice lady called Caroline Lucas and suffer from the ridicule of a media that sucks up to the traditional parties.

Now here’s the problem.  It doesn’t matter who we vote for because it won’t change a damn thing.  Whichever party gets in it will be the same people in charge, different sides of the same coin.  You see, I don’t actually believe in democracy.  No that doesn’t mean I’m a communist, (although that is a pretty good idea gone bad, just like our own political system).  Democracy is a very noble idea in principle but in reality it doesn’t actually work!  Not on a large scale like government, nor on a small scale like some of the fishing clubs I’ve been a member of over the years.  As for the USA, “land of the free” banging on about democracy; Don’t make me laugh!!  Theirs is worse than ours!!  In both cases democracy is a myth and the media, controlled by the likes of Rupert Murdoch, is used to brain wash the masses! 

For the last few elections I have gone to the polling station but after looking at the choices available have concluded that none of the candidates deserve my vote.  I have cast my ballot with the words “None of the above” written on it.  Some people say this is a wasted vote, I argue it is an expression of protest.  This year I may do the same or I may actually vote.  If I do then my X will be put alongside the Green party’s candidate.  It may be a protest vote or it may be because I believe the people are genuine and I can’t say that about any of the others.

Here is a picture of our latest lodger.  Traditionally it’s a sign of peace, the “Dove from above” has built its nest on the satellite dish Murdoch flogged us.  I like the thought of it crapping all over it and it hasn’t prevented me watching the cricket for a second.